Team Grumpy

NYD '10': Grumpy Bob takes heed of rules 1 and 5, takes the win.

2012-01-01T14:42:00.001Z

Grumpy Bob's racing year almost invariably begins with a ride in the North Bucks Road Club's New Year's Day '10'. Equally invariably, he rides in a severely overweight condition. This year, his form was further compromised by a severe cold which kept him off his bike for the second half of December. Grumpy Bob was very careful to take heed of two of Team Grumpy's rules:

In particular Rule #1

Remember to make your excuses before the race, not after. Otherwise it will just sound pathetic.

This specifically noting the first ride with the Pro Disc wheel and his recent illness) and Rule #5

Never train or race with a bad cough – it will destroy your entire season.

Had Grumpy Bob still had that racking cough, he would certainly not have raced (under strict instructions from the Team Manager).

In the end, a combination of apparent recovery and warm conditions encouraged him to ride. In windy conditions, most (if not all) of the field found it heavy going, particularly those who had been ill or injured ( a surprising proportion).

Grumpy Bob finished in 24:37, to take the overall victory, which wasn't too bad considering the circumstances. In fact the top three finishers were all within 9 second.

Next race will probably be the annual Team Grumpy cobweb duster 2-up ride in the Port Talbot Wheelers '25' in early March.

All else appears to have failed...

2011-12-06T12:35:00.000Z

It would seem that Team Grumpy is realising that their efforts to improve performance are being thwarted. During the winter off-season, the team has moved swiftly through Team Grumpy Rules 1 to 3, landing squarely at

4. And if rule #3 fails, new skinsuits are probably a good option.

Armed with astonishingly slinky new Castelli skinsuits, Team Grumpy is assured of phenomenal success in the 2012 season.

Maybe.

Better not tell the Team Manager...

2011-11-20T18:31:00.000Z

Grumpy Bob's winter training programme is going completely according to schedule. This is good, but Grumpy Bob isn't too complacent: everything was looking good last year, until he ricked his back in an unnecessary tandem parking incident in early February. That set the scene for a season beset by injury and illness.
In contrast, reports making it back to Team Grumpy HQ indicate that not only is 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay taking it a bit easy (having been a bit ill recently), but he's taken to hiding away in his shed with a bunch of chums down the village and drinking copious quantities of official energy drink. Nevertheless, 'Grumpy' Art claims to be making great strides in form, relating by email that

I went out for a spin today - hardly expecting much - and demolished my best ever time on my 'test' hill. This is the one that I just managed to get under 5 mins on before heading out to the Duo. Anyway, today I did my first ever sub 4 min. ride on it (3m 57s).

This claim is regarded with some suspicion back at Team Grumpy HQ, where it has been suggested that 'Grumpy' Art was abducted briefly by aliens while out on his bike. Meanwhile, the Team Grumpy riders are keeping schtum about 'Grumpy' Art's energy drink consumption, lest the Team Manager find out.

Everything's gone a bit quiet...

2011-11-09T20:05:00.001Z

As is usually the case, Team Grumpy has gone rather moribund in the offseason. From Grumpy Bob's perspective, 2011 was a dreadful season, rescued only by Team Grumpy's second place in the Corporate category of the Duo Normand. And it has to be said that the team's performance was really a bit strained. Firstly the weather was completely atrocious and was quite definitely the worst Team Grumpy had seen in eight outings at the Duo. To add insult to injury, Grumpy Bob rode the event with a cold, the third such affliction during 2011.

This meant Grumpy Bob rolled off the end of the season somewhat earlier than expected and had an enforced lay-off from cycling of any kind. Indeed the only connection with Team Grumpy related activities was the continued consumption of Leffe.

All that changed as Grumpy Bob swept into October, began his winter training programme, and aimed to build up for the annual New Year's Day '10'. We shall see if starting so early proves a good move or bad, but at the moment Grumpy Bob feels quite good. Perhaps 2012 will match 2010 and leave 2011 as a distant fading memory...

Team Grumpy videos

2011-10-07T10:19:00.003+01:00

Team Grumpy now has a YouTube channel. The highly qualified Team Grumpy IT support team has contrived to upload only two videos thus far, though no doubt more will follow.

2011 Duo Normand report

2011-09-22T07:03:00.000+01:00

On the back of a frankly lacklustre season, Team Grumpy were uncertain how things would go for them at the 2011 edition of the Duo Normand, the 30th time the event has been run (and the 8th in which Team Grumpy has competed. Clear weather at sunrise soon disappeared at the mercy of oncoming cloud and wind - Team Grumpy looked apprehensively upwards and saw signs that the forecast heavy showers might well come true. The team drove over to Marigny under darkening skies and rising winds, arriving in time to wander down to the start ramp to watch some of the non-licence teams start their race. Not much sign of the usual crowds, but it was still early.

Back to the car to set up the bikes for a warmup before the scheduled TG start time of 10.41am. Unfortunately, as 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay and Grumpy Bob rolled away, the rain began. And not some light drizzly sort of rain: this was the real deal of 'heavens opening' - made worse by 'Grumpy' Art's error in leaving his rain jacket back at the cottage some 16 kms away.. Both riders were rapidly drenched.

To make matters even worse, 'Grumpy' Art's bike developed a ghastly clanking from the bottom bracket area. Despite this sort of thing being a regular part of Team Grumpy's annual foray into French racing, a hasty retreat to the team cars was made (the Team Manager actually thought we had decided not to ride), and a raid of Grumpy Bob's toolbox for remedial action was made. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to actually respond to tightening. But this did give both riders an opportunity to swap from sunglasses to low light lenses, without which vision would have been difficult at best...

Team Grumpy clanked off towards to the start area. By the time they climbed onto the start ramp, both riders were shaking uncontrollably with cold and wet. It was something of a relief to start the race! The Team Grumpy game plan for the initial kilometres involved 'Grumpy' Art leading the team up the start lane, then for Grumpy Bob to take a lengthy spell while 'Grumpy' Art recovered from the gasping induced by his start effort. In fact Grumpy Bob found himself pounding down the bocage lanes at speeds of around 30mph, and, due to volume of precipitation, unable to see further than a couple of metres ahead.

Team Grumpy leave the start ramp in less than ideal conditions...

Once Team Grumpy reached the first turn, they operated rather more as a well-organised team, although (it has to be said) not in their usual neat style. The second aspect of the game plan was to capitalise on the faster early kilometres, and trying to hang in there through the hillier sections. As a plan this seemed to fare reasonably well, though the climbs before Marigny are always harder than Team Grumpy remembers. The course was littered with fragments of water-sodden dossards, in some cases ground to a pulpy splurge by car tyres (Team Grumpy prepared their numbers with clear gaffer tape as soon as rain seemed likely, and consequently were one of the few teams in the Corpo category to finish with readable numbers).

By this time Team Grumpy, who as usual were riding without a support car, had experienced more trouble than usual with traffic on the course, and not just support cars, but extraneous vehicles waved onto the course in front of them and in one instance a milk tanker. What really took the biscuit was the minor traffic jam experienced while getting through Marigny, followed by the usual traffic jams on the remaining hairpin section of the course during which Team Grumpy found itself frequently crossing the mid-line of the road to pass slower teams and their cars.

After what seemed like an eternity (both riders clearly flagging), Team Grumpy reached the turn and embarked on the final effort to the finish. The finish was reached in a last ditch effort, with the line crossed at 40mph and followed by the usual frantic braking to stop before the barriers.

Team Grumpy finished in second place in the Corporatif category with 1:24:51 (this was 95th fastest of about 320 finishers in the 54.3km course, this includes riders from professionals downwards).

Duo Normand 2011

2011-09-18T16:03:00.004+01:00

Well, the promised weather arrived in buckets! The downpour started as Team Grumpy began the warmup, and didn't really let up after that. What with the now traditional mechanical cockup with 'Grumpy' Art's bike (which emitted alarming clanks all the way round the course) and the fact the Grumpy Bob couldn't actually see the road much of the time, Team Grumpy had a tough old time out there today. Team Grumpy finished second in the Corporatifs category. As this is typed, the elites are still out there on the course, with even stronger winds than Team Grumpy suffered.

Sherrin/Fagan (Network Rail) 1:20:18
Saunders/Oram a.k.a. Team Grumpy (Open University) 1:24:51
Bibby/Ferri (Micar Computers Ltd) 1:25:07

Full report to follow once Team Grumpy returns to Blighty and stronger internet connections.

The day before the Duo Normand

2011-09-17T07:24:00.000+01:00

Over in Normandy, after a few days of pretty good weather, things seem to have changed for the worse - heavy showers passing overhead, though at least the wind seems to have dropped.
Unfortunately, both members of Team Grumpy are afflicted with a head cold. Oh well. Bring on the energy drink!

The return of Team Grumpy (Project Duo - Part Six)

2011-09-04T06:25:00.000+01:00

As indicated in the last posting, Team Grumpy did regroup for one last 2-up before travelling to France for the Duo Normand. This event was the Norlond Combine '10' which had, in addition to the main field of solo riders, small fields of four tandems and five 2-up teams. The 2-up teams featured several riders with no previous performance, and we were the only all male team.

Team Grumpy is happy to report that Grumpy Bob seems to have recovered from his cold. Both riders rode an excellent race in terms or technique, though had the Team Manager been there, not doubt there would have been exhortations to Give Me 400 Watts!

Actually, for the conditions, Team Grumpy's result of 22:15 was pretty damned respectable. But it was the smooth 2-up style that particularly pleased Team Grumpy, and no doubt would have pleased the absent Team Manager as well.

Roll on the Duo Normand! (Entries for which close tomorrow, so we shall get an impression of the opposition)

Full reports of the Norlond '10' at flies&bikes (includes Garmin trace), and at teamgrumpy.org.

Poject Duo - Part Five (Final preparations)

2011-09-02T14:24:00.000+01:00

As the Duo Normand fast approaches, Team Grumpy are regrouping for one final preparatory race. Grumpy Bob and 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay have had very different seasons. 'Grumpy' Art seems to have been engaged in a successful training campaign that has seen his lacklustre early season state of fitness improve to a point where it is likely to effective support his role as the mainstay of this year's Duo Normand performance. For Grumpy Bob, who also had lacklustre early season fitness, things have not gone according to plan.

As reported in Project Duo, Part 4, Grumpy Bob made a brief return to training and racing after working in Nottingham for a beer-soaked high-chip diet week. Unfortunately a week after returning, he succumbed to some vile virus. Initially hoping that this was some kind of galloping hypochondria and then (when it became obvious that it was indeed some kind of cold) hoping it was merely man-flu, Grumpy Bob was horrified when it in fact turned out to be a quite vicious cold.

This has kept Grumpy Bob off the bike for pretty much two weeks. Not ideal training preparation you might agree, but Team Grumpy does strive to live up to team rule #5, and he felt that losing training was a better option that being horribly ill on 18th September.

This weekend's regrouping sees Team Grumpy ride the 2-up section of the Norlond '10', run on a course based on the A505 Leighton Buzzard bypass. It will be interesting to see how the two team members cope with what is likely to be unequal fitness. On the other hand, on the evening before the event, Team Grumpy will be retiring to the local Thai restaurant for gluttony washed down with copious Singha beer, as well as substantial consumption of the official energy drink back at the house.

As has been observed before, traditional Team Grumpy race preparation like this is a great leveller, so perhaps the team will perform equally in the '10'. And, helpfully, the event is an afternoon event, freeing up some hours for ~~hangover recovery~~ last-minute preparation.

Oh, and we are the only all-male team in the event.

Project Duo - Part Four (Oh Dear!)

2011-08-23T15:34:00.001+01:00

Grumpy Bob feels duty-bound to respond to his team-mate's recent post updating Team Grumpy's stately progress to Duo Normand form. Whereas 'Grumpy' Art seems to have been steadily building form through the summer, Grumpy Bob was consigned to residential school which (as colleagues recognise) leads to excessive consumption of inappropriate food coupled with excessive alcohol intake for a week.

Returning from that bout of system abuse, Grumpy Bob was relieved to record 58:15 for a '25' on the F1B/25. The last weekend, he rode a 22:15 '10' on the F2A/10, albeit compromised by a late start penalty (you can read all about it at the linked article). Unfortunately Grumpy Bob has since developed a bit of a cold.


Common cold virus (a bit like those being sneezed out by Grumpy Bob).

Taking heed of Team Grumpy rule #5 ("Never train or race with a bad cough - it will destroy your entire season."), he declined an evening '10' and has remained aloof from training.

Not ideal preparation, but Grumpy Bob takes heart from the observation that there are over three weeks before the day of the Duo Normand...

Project Duo - Part Three - The Quickening

2011-08-23T14:49:00.003+01:00

It seems as though it has been going on forever, but at last I am at the end of my hill climbing block of training. It officialy ends on Thursday evening (26 Aug) when I will compete in the club hill climb on my TT bike. The whole point has been to bring on that climbing form that should get Team Grumpy through the hillier parts of the Duo. Hence the TT bike for the hill climb.

During this block of training I seem to have brought on my form quite a lot and my 55m 10s ride in the Merthyr 25 mile TT was encouraging. This is, however, the cheaty course (though, not so cheaty for me because of my fear of death on fast descents), so needs to be taken with a pinch of salt. Nevertheless, it is an improvement on recent form and I am convinced that I am going better now than I was at last year's Duo. So, that can't be bad.

The hill climbing has also gone well with me lowering my time on my favoured 'test' hill over the last couple of months from c. 5 mins to 4 mins 29 secs and eventually to 4 mins 9 secs. That's quite an improvement and even if I just ride up it now and take in the scenery I find that I am clocking about 4 mins 45 secs for it.

After Thursday's hill climb I will switch to speed training in the hope that I can hold Grumpy Bob's wheel for those first kilometres that always seem so fast and yet always catch me out (I think I'm a slow starter).

Finally, the proximity of the race itself becomes ever more obvious when Grumpy Bob starts panicking about UCI regulations. Sure enough, the race is soon upon us.

Now, THIS makes Grumpy Bob grumpy!

2011-07-24T05:31:00.000+01:00

Thoroughly excited by watching yesterday's penultimate stage of the 2011 Tour de France in which Cadel 'Not-so-very-grumpy-anymore' Evans trounced the opposition to take yellow from Andy Schleck in the only individual time trial of this year's race, GrumpyBob has wandered round the web reading reports of the stage.

He then found himself at the Pez Cycling report of the stage (Tour’11 St.20: G’Day, Cadel!) - it's a nice report, well-illustrated with images of the main protagonists. So what's Grumpy Bob so grumpy about?

Adverts. That's what. The first screenful of text at that page has myriads of adverts down both sides of the article. That in itself isn't so bad. But. The majority of these adverts are animated to change every second or so (or are just animated). Worse still, on Grumpy Bob's browser, these are all out of sync, generating a ghastly flickering, nausea-inducing distraction from what he wants: the text on the page.

Yes, Grumpy Bob realises that AdBlock can get rid of them, but he feels he shouldn't spend several minutes devising ab effective wild-card filter to spike them all. Perhaps he's just getting old and intolerant (surely a membership requirement for Team Grumpy!), and maybe younger, more agile, minds can cope with the visual sensory overload of a score of flickering adverts.

Oh, and by the way, Grumpy Bob is delighted by the outcome of the stage, and by the winner.

Will Team Grumpy win le tour?

2011-07-23T08:56:00.002+01:00

Viewed by many as the peloton's Mr. Grumpy (although, as with many things grumpy, all is not necessarily as it seems), Cadel Evans needs to time trial his way to tour greatness today. Taking one minute off Andy Schleck, though, will be a tall order. Surely, Schleck (try saying that when you've had some Leffe) cannot be as bad as he has all season in TTs.

Win or lose today, Evans has been his usual gritty and determined self. But Team Grumpy is rather concerned at his lack of, well, grumpiness in this tour. All joking aside, it's about time that this guy was rewarded for his remarkable exploits over recent years:

GO CADEL!

Project Duo - Part Two

2011-07-12T10:01:00.002+01:00

As well as the renewed focus on training - well, the actual start of structured training (which began approx. 4 weeks ago) - the western half of Team Grumpy has also looked closely at his bike set up.

There seems to be a new regime in charge at the Duo and things look (at least from a distance) rather more formal. Will this result in UCI regs being more strictly enforced in all categories this year? That's distinctly possible in my view and, therefore, I have looked closely at my bike to be certain that it is UCI compliant. Apart from the need for a 2cm extension for the reach on the aerobars (and at 185 cms in height, I'd be surprised if it wasn't granted), then the bike is completely UCI legal. This includes the new horizontal saddle rule.

Then there is the small matter of training. There are areas where I think the team can make gains and this is where I am targetting my own training. But overall, it is a matter of getting the most out of the next couple of months. Crikey, just a couple of months - that doesn't seem far off anymore. However, there are encouraging signs on my form, despite the heavy training load at present that is leaving me feeling rather jaded. If all goes to plan I won't hit real form until late August/early September, so results up until then need to be viewed with an interpretive eye.

But there is a growing optimism at the moment.

Project Duo - the grumpy way to salvage the season

2011-07-12T08:34:00.000+01:00

The 2010 season was a source of some celebration for Team Grumpy: it was the centenary season in which Grumpy Bob and 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay had both hit their first half century, and took a podium place at the Duo Normand for the first time. For Grumpy Bob, the Team Grumpy Centenary signalled a resurgence in his timetrialling, hitting LTS times at 10, 25, and 50 miles which actually represented his best times in the past 6 years or so. While many of Grumpy Bob's club mates laid the explanation for this sudden lift in form squarely at the new bike frame (a Cervelo P3C bought as a birthday present by the Team Grumpy Manager), he actually proposes that it was more due to a better and regular approach to training.

Sadly, this season hasn't been quite so stellar for Grumpy Bob, with lacklustre peformances at most distances. It's probably fair to observe that in both 2010 and 2011 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay has had a similarly very slow start to his season, mostly due to pressure of work in the spring and early summer. On the bright side, 'Grumpy' Art's recent time trials do indicate a possible late season return to form (Grumpy Bob hopes so, as he foresees being towed round the Duo Normand course this year).

Still, the Team Grumpy riders are optimistic that they can pull things together in time for this year's Duo Normand, and parallel training plans aiming to peak in mid-September are now in place - Project Duo, an eight week training plan. Being an ad hoc sort of set up, there's no centrally determined plan. It will be interesting to see how this turns out.

For his part, Grumpy Bob has made use of Google Calendar to set out what he's going to be doing each day, and when. This has the added bonus of a nagging email from Google to remind him to get out there and train (or 'practice' as our Manager likes to put it). The major advantage of this is that Grumpy Bob's preferred training time is between 5am and 7am, depending on when he wakes up (usually he starts at 6am), a time of day when the Team Manager is sound asleep and merely dreaming of 400 Watts.

Duo Normand entries open

2011-06-21T10:48:00.000+01:00

Team Grumpy has noted the launch of the new Duo Normand website, which was opened for registrations yesterday. The Duo Normand organisers obviously seek to favour French teams, as the site is only available in French at the moment. However, they reckoned without Team Grumpy's linguistic skills and 'Grumpy' Art Vanderley proceeded to enter Team Grumpy in the Corpo category as in the last few events.

One new development is the requirement for an official letter confirming that both riders in a Corporate team do indeed work for the same organisation. At least, that's how Team Grumpy's linguist-in-chief translated the text on the website.

So, with accommodation, transport and now the race entered, all that remains for Team Grumpy is to gain some kind of form before September.

Grumpy Bob breaks Team Grumpy rule #2

2011-06-18T13:24:00.000+01:00

The Team Grumpy rules, which can be found in the left-hand sidebar of this blog, include the following:

2. Don't tinker with your bike the evening before the event. It will break, either then or, worse still, during the event.

Unfortunately, Grumpy Bob has discovered that his time trial bike's headset needs a bit of attention. He has, therefore, removed the stem and bars, disconnected the front brake and removed the front forks. Having seen to the headset bearings, he has now reassembled everything, in time for this evening's 10 mile time trial (Century RC '10' over on the F20/10).

Will everything work OK this evening? Will breaking rule #2 have consequences, foreseen or unforeseen?

The omens are not good for the time trial, it's very windy and heavy showers keep coming over.

Sartorial elegance, TG style

2011-06-08T17:59:00.000+01:00

The Team Grumpy off-bike apparel and fluid intake vessels have arrived, and look not bad at all. Team Grumpy wishes that the T-shirts had been arranged for the 2010 podium...

Sartorial elegance Team Grumpy style

2011-05-21T17:53:00.000+01:00

Team Grumpy has decided to up its game in the sartorial stakes. The team's Extensive IT Department has expended huge effort in designing T-shirt logos. Well, OK, Grumpy Bob spent the best part of half an hour on it. Anyway, the T-shirts are on order, so Team Grumpy anxiously awaits the outcome.

Will they be wearable? And for those of you interested in this new component of the 2011 Team Grumpy Uniform, if indeed any such interest exists, here's what the design looks like:

Unfortunately the printing company didn't appear to offer printed beer glasses, so Team Grumpy has had to settle for coffee mugs, excitingly (if not cheerfully) adorned with the above logo.

400 Watts

2011-05-19T14:00:00.001+01:00

Here's a brief video clip featuring Grumpy Bob near the end of the Norlond TT Combine 50 mile time trial, and featuring the Team Grumpy Manager uttering her familiar refrain:

Good to see the blog's back

2011-05-12T17:29:00.000+01:00

Team Grumpy's extensive IT Department is pleased that Google's Blogger platform is back to functionality again. Grumpy Bob (who is the IT Department), was rather dismayed to find the blog completely absent from the interweb this morning, then almost as distraught when it reappeared minus login and with what might be termed 'cosmetic issues'.

Still, Team Grumpy is all back online and dispensing trivial tosh once again to all and sundry.

The Team Manager never actually noticed.

UCI unveils 'No Needle Policy" - bottle openers next?

2011-05-05T07:28:00.000+01:00

Hot on the heels of ludicrous rulings (for example the silly 'aero shoes' ruling), and the not so silly ruling (for example the race radio propsals which have so enraged the pro teams), the UCI have now announced a very sensible 'No Needle Policy' ahead of the upcoming Giro d'Italia (UCI unveils No Needle Policy | road.cc).
While Team Grumpy clearly applauds this move to limit the likelihood of illicit drug abuse in the pro peleton, it does raise questions as to where the policy will lead. Team Grumpy only competes in one UCI controlled event on a regular basis (the Duo Normand), though occasionally (and when not organising it) 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay rides in the BTTC time trial championsip, so these regulations don't often impact on the team's activities.
The team does however, maintain an enthusiastic, if non-commercial association with the products of the Leffe Abbey brewery: the official energy drink of the team being Leffe, which Grumpy Bob and 'Grumpy' Art consume whenever possible (though, it has to be said, not so copiously as they advance in years). Team Grumpy are concerned that the UCI's continued efforts to protect riders' health and well-being might in future extend to banning crown cap bottle openers. Of course even with the banning of such bottle openers, the Team Grumpy manager is confident that her riders will still be able continue to consume energy drink, since the large bottles in fact have champagne-style cork closures.

Retro UCI regulations enforced...

2011-05-03T13:51:00.000+01:00

So, the UCI has revealed (Bont Crono to be banned from UCI competition | BikeRadar.com) that using these shoes:

contravenes regulations about clothing being used for aerodynamic purposes, but wearing these over your shoes does not:

Team Grumpy wonders where this anal retentive and ludicrously regressive attitude will take the UCI. The regulation reads:

“It is forbidden to wear non-essential items of clothing or items designed to influence the performances of a rider such as reducing air resistance or modifying the body of the rider (compression, stretching, support).
"Items of clothing or equipment may be considered essential where weather conditions make them appropriate for the safety or the health of the rider. In this case, the nature and texture of the clothing or equipment must be clearly and solely justified by the need to protect the rider from bad weather conditions. Discretion in this respect is left to the race commissaires.
"Equipment (helmets, shoes, jerseys, shorts, etc) worn by the rider may not be adapted to serve any other purpose apart from that of clothing or safety by the addition or incorporation of mechanical or electronic systems which are not approved as technical innovations under article 1.3.004.”

Team Grumpy wonders why tribars, disk wheels, trispokes, pointy hats and skinsuits are permissible under this regulation, but not the Bont shoes. Unless, of course the banishment is on sartorial grounds. Having said that Grumpy Bob feels that this season's excess bodymass renders his skinsuit particularly offensive under that criterion.

The Team Manager (who has been posted on gardening leave over the recent Bank Holidays, therefore curtailing demands for 400 watts), will no doubt be scouring the UCI regulations, and in particular article 1.3.004.

Team MK 2-up: Team Grumpy takes 3rd place. Out of three teams...

2011-04-17T06:58:00.002+01:00

As the title should make obvious, the weekend's regrouping of Team Grumpy once again failed to set the world of team timetrialling aflame, with another rather under par performance. Grumpy Bob would like to be able to place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the erstwhile Team Manager, who chose to spend the afternoon gardening rather that shouting requests for 400W at the team, but frankly it was down to the riders.

Having said that, both 'Grumpy' Art and Grumpy Bob rode pretty well together on the whole, and accommodated each other's strengths (few though they might have been on the day) and weaknesses (numerous though they may have been on the day). Grumpy Bob had managed to forget his Garmin, so was riding without telemetry, which turned out to be rather a good thing, and (he says) quite liberating.

Ultimately, however, this performance really ranks among the many underwhelming 2-up performances Team Grumpy has delivered on the domestic time trialling scene in recent years. Team Grumpy is looking for a further domestic 2-up before they leave for the Duo Normand in September, and both riders are looking at the Norlond '10' in early September. Between now and then, Grumpy Bob imagines both riders will be exhorted by the Team Manager to train just that bit harder. Actually the Team Manager has a disturbing tendency to refer to 'training' as 'practicing', which brings with it images of complete amateurishness on the part of the riders.

Team Grumpy regroup for Team MK 2-up

2011-04-15T10:14:00.000+01:00

This weekend sees one of the all too infrequent Team Grumpy 2-up rides, at the Team MK 20 mile time trial over two laps of the sporting course near Milton Keynes at Astwood.

Recent outings at this event have not been great for Team Grumpy. In the last year the event was run, 2009, 'Grumpy' Art was unable to ride, due to work commitments. Accordingly, Grumpy Bob sent in a single entry form for the solo event, clearly labelled as such. Grumpy Bob was therefore perplexed to find himself entered as a 2-up team, complete with 'Grumpy' Art! He was even more perplexed to find that, even when this was pointed out to the organiser, he still found himself ineligible for inclusion in the solo event results.

Still, this year looks quite rosy, though a turn-out of only 30 solo riders and 3 two-up teams is disappointing for this event, which is on a really nice (if challenging) course, is always well organised (except as noted above) and usually has good weather (Team Grumpy suspects the organiser has some dodgy deal with the weather deities).

Team Grumpy look forward to the weekend, hope there will be no punctures (or other mechanical disasters), and expect to consume a decent quantity of energy drink. Expect a sudden surge in Leffe share prices when the markets open on Monday.

Onwards and Upwards...maybe

2011-04-09T16:40:00.001+01:00

Regular readers of this blog (if there are such people) could be forgiven for thinking that the Team Grumpy riders are a whiny set of underachievers, bossed around by a Team Manager who regularly (and ineffectually, it has to be said) demands the delivery of 400 Watts.

On the basis of this season's results, it may well be true that TG comprises a pair of underachievers, but Grumpy Bob and 'Grumpy' Art aren't particularly whiny. Perhaps we drink too much energy drink*...

Team Grumpy are looking forward to their next 2-up race, which is the Team MK 20 mile event over two laps of the Astwood circuit near Milton Keynes on 16th April. Past performance have been 'interesting', and have seen punctures cramp Team Grumpy's 'style'. Bizarrely, in 2009's event which Grumpy Bob entered as a solo rider (because work commitments prevented 'Grumpy' Art from riding), the organiser included both Team Grumpy riders in a 2-up team. This was despite only actually having one entry form!

This year, it's a bona fide Team Grumpy entry, and the Team Manager is already honing her encouraging 'verbals'. It'll be interesting to see whether Team Grumpy can pull some kind of performance out of the collective underachievement of the 2011 season...

* apparently the bottles of energy drink that Grumpy Bob found in the fridge (and one of which he is consuming as he writes this) was purchased by the Team Manager specifically for consumption by 'Grumpy' Art on the weekend of the Team MK 2-up. Grumpy Bob has been roundly chastised...

No Quick Fix

2011-04-08T09:30:00.002+01:00

So, the club 10 last night produced yet another embarrasing performance from yours truly. What was odd, though, was that I felt pretty good yet I was aware that I wasn't really going well. It's not a feeling that I am familiar with and is very hard to describe. It's as if I was riding well within myself but was unable to push into another level. Am I becoming soft? Probably. However, the main purpose of riding was to get some more quality miles - or kms in my case - into my legs and I can feel it today, so I guess that's worth something. I was also able to check that I had rectified a couple mechanical issues (hardly problems) that had emerged the previous weekend. On a less positive side I seem to have developed sciatica in my right leg now. I have almost permanent sciatica in my left leg, but this is new because I cannot recall ever experiencing it in my right leg. I am, therefore, wondering if my position needs tweaking again. But as usual I wil carry on and hope that it goes away. Next up is the Llandovery 25 on Sunday - could be interesting.

Missing Form - Bynea 30 mile TT

2011-04-07T11:12:00.004+01:00

Well, on the bright side this was the longest ride I had completed since the Duo Normand in September. Prior to this my longest ride had been the PTW 2-up 25 - our first team outing of the year. Training has been consistent but short (never more than 75 mins) and fairly low intensity ever since returning from Normandy. Therefore, this rather mediocre result - 17th in 1h 17m 26s - was to be expected. In fact, I got it into my head that anything under 1h 20m would be acceptable on what seemed to me to be a windy day. However, the fact that the course record was broken and everyone else seemed to think it was a pretty good day for early season makes me think that I shouldn't be quite so unconcerned about my rather flat performance. And 'flat' is the word really. I only managed to get into my race level (HR) for 17 mins of that entire effort. What on earth was I doing for the other hour? I suspect that unconsciously I had held back simply because I was afraid of not lasting the distance. Certainly, my final lap (of two and a half laps) felt better and more committed than the rest of the race. But that still doesn't account for the whole 'missing' hour. Frankly, it's a mystery. Another mystery is where exactly has all my form gone to. The idea of my winter training was to keep ticking over. Therefore, no rest or break from training - just lower intensity throughout the winter. After that, well I was supposed to increase the intensity around February. But that simply didn't happen and now I find myself plodding along at my low intensity training pace even whilst racing. But the last two weeks have suggested that I am getting a little sharper and this 30 mile race will surely help to build that speed. I don't yet feel able to talk about top end speed, but as everything is relative then I am glad to take the perceived improvements in my training this week as a sign of better things to come. A club 10 tonight (Thursday) and another sporing course 25 on Sunday - where I will be up against many of the same riders as in the 30 - will not only help to bring on what form might linger underneath the veneer of mediocrity, but also give me a chance to gauge my progress (or otherwise) relative to others. Hopefully, this will not be the last word.

Aerodynamics, Camelbaks and Timetrialling

2011-04-06T07:19:00.000+01:00

Team Grumpy is amused by the shock news that Leopard-Trek rider Fränk Schleck is to be investigated by the UCI in relation to allegations of irregular use of a Camelbak drinking pouch. In complete contrast to other riders, Schleck appeared to need to take a drink along with him during a 7km time trial, and subsequently faced the ire of the UCI, who suspect the real motive was to use it as an aerodynamic aid.

Here at Team Grumpy HQ, this strategy has been noted, particularly in light of the problems Grumpy Bob has had in shedding the kilos gained during his injury-hit early season period. In contrast to the ultra-skinny Schleck brothers, Grumpy Bob does not need Camelbak assistance to generate a pendulous belly. The Team Grumpy manager observes that in Grumpy Bob's current state, he will need a mere 400W just to ascend a minor climb in anything resembling an appropriate speed.

No word has yet been received concerning the explanation for 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay's lack of early season form, though there are suggestions it relates to overindulgence in energy drink.

Time Trial performance: an historical perspective

2011-03-24T12:18:00.001Z

In rebuilding the teamgrumpy.org website, the extensive Team Grumpy IT team revisited some accounts of past performance at 2-up time trials, that caused him (for the extensive Team Grumpy IT team is indeed a single individual) some concern. In particular, one has to only go back three years to the 2008 iteration of the Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25' to find Team Grumpy finishing in 57:58.

To put that in perspective, in this year's event Team Grumpy only managed a 1:4:36. On the same course. In quite good conditions.

Uncovering this nugget of historical data has not pleased the Team Grumpy Team Manager, who quite frankly seems to be sounding like a stuck record with her mantra. The Team Manager's opinion is that both Grumpy Bob and 'Grumpy' Art should just knuckle down and deliver 400 watts.

With such clear leadership we cannot fail, despite our tales of injury and illness.

Team Grumpy website revamped

2011-03-19T21:58:00.001Z

The Team Grumpy website has had a makeover, associated with a migration to Joomla! version 1.6. There's a new look, which is still being worked on by Team Grumpy's extensive (but not expensive) IT Department. The Team Grumpy Manager merely commented that the Team Grumpy IT Department might have been better employed delivering 400 Watts during the NBRC club '10' this morning, in which said IT Department (a.k.a. Grumpy Bob) once again rode with all the ability and authority of a bag of spanners.

Aaaaaargh! (again)

2011-03-15T20:34:00.001Z

I seem to have gone down with a virus. This explains why I felt so awful as I laboured around a hilly 28 km circuit training ride on Sunday (yes, just 28 km, but that's one of my usual routes).

Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25'

2011-03-07T19:31:00.003Z

The signs were ominous. 'Grumpy' Art's training programme had recently gone slightly off the rails, while as observed in the previous post, Grumpy Bob suffered a ghastly comedy back injury three weeks before Team Grumpy's opening 2-up event of their 2001 time trial campaign. To add an interesting frisson of excitement, it transpired that the Team Grumpy entry had been lost in the post, and only a phone call of enquiry from 'Grumpy' Art in the nick of time earned Team Grumpy a start in this event.

Absorbing medical advice, Grumpy Bob did in fact manage to turn up in South Wales in a relatively pain-free condition. All that remained was to see how Team Grumpy would perform on the day.

Team Grumpy conducted their usual preparation: consumption of sufficient energy drink. Thus fortified (and indeed entertained by 80s pop music courtesy of Sky TV), Team Grumpy retired to dream soothing dreams of time trial success.

The morning of the event dawned rather cloudy and cool - but not as cold as the sub-zero conditions faced by riders in the 2010 edition of this 2-up. Team Grumpy set up the bikes with clear apprehension: what would the consequences of their combined lack of training be? And would Grumpy Bob's back hold out for the whole 25 miles? More to the point, what was the road damage on the second half of the course to which riders' attention was drawn on signing on? And, indeed, how significant was the presence of traffic lights on the same section (to which the instruction that riders must 'obey the highway code' was appended? In an effort to answer these uncertainties, Team Grumpy nipped out for a brief warmup. It was quickly apparent that (a) the road was in a shocking state, and (b) the traffic lights were at the top of a climb and looked like they could present real problems if at red.

With reconnaissance over, and all too soon, Team Grumpy lined up and launched themselves onto the course (see map here). The opening dual carriageway stretch proved to be very fast, with a gentle tailwind. Team Grumpy dropped back into 2-up mode straight away. After the first turn, the going got a little harder, as the head wind was nagging. Team Grumpy was gratified to see their Manager on a bridge apparently videoing proceedings as they made their way past the start area. Once off the dual carriageway, the usually efficient Team Grumpy changeovers became rather ragged as the pitted and potholed road surface made it difficult to judge whether a rider was pulling out to let his team mate through or merely to avoid crashing through a pothole.

A massive sprint got Team Grumpy into the traffic lights on amber, but at the cost of a bit of an oxygen debt: this rendered the approach to the turn somewhat arduous. Returning to the traffic lights, delays were once again avoided. This was just as well, as by this time Team Grumpy were hanging on for grim death, looking for the finish line, which seemed to take an eternity to arrive. Eventually it did, at 1:04:36. Not an excellent result, but enough to take a composite team prize. More to the point, at least Team Grumpy proved their ability to ride well as a team, even after a lengthy winter lay-off.

Results are here.

Aaargh! Literally. (OK, so it's all gone pear-shaped).

2011-02-19T06:52:00.001Z

As usual, Grumpy Bob rode to work on Monday. Also as usual, he was on a tandem cycle, and accompanied by his stoker, who just so happens to be the Team Grumpy team manager, famous for requesting 400W in a bluff Bjarne Riis style. Anyway, upon arriving, Grumpy Bob parked the tandem in the narrow bike shed, and in so doing wrenched his lower back to the point of agony.

Forgoing a request that Grumpy Bob deliver 400W (on the quite reasonable grounds that he wasn't actually on the bike) the aforementioned manager sympathetically observed that this injury had better not affect their upcoming trip to Scotland. Since then, the only mileage ridden by Grumpy Bob has been to limp home on the tandem (it was felt this would be the least unpleasant way to get it home), and he has been in significant pain ever since.

Team Grumpy has about a fortnight before the Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25'. The event has been entered, the restaurant table reserved, holiday booked out from work... At least Grumpy Bob will be well-rested by then, and ideally pain-free and ready to ride. Here's hoping...

Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25' preview

2011-02-07T19:23:00.002Z

Team Grumpy's season kicks off as usual with the Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25' on 6th March. The last report posted on this site was rather encouraging. Grumpy Bob reported good threshold power levels and good progression in his training. Similarly, 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay had been making progress in the winter schedule.

Unfortunately things may just have gone awry. Grumpy Bob has suffered what was either two colds (albeit relatively mild), or one long cold, which has left him feeling drained to the point of limiting the duration and intensity of his training. In a vague hope that the situation might get salvaged by tremendous fitness on the part of 'Grumpy' Art, an email correspondence was initiated. Unfortunately it seems that 'Grumpy' Art has been afflicted by an enormous workload which has been limiting his training.

However, we should look on the bright side. There are just under four weeks to go, so maybe some intensive training may raise our game enough not to embarrass ourselves.

The Port Talbot Wheelers event is once again being held on the more scenic (and therefore less cheaty) version of the Neath valley courses. In actual fact Team Grumpy prefers this course: Grumpy Bob finds the wind chill of descending Neath Bank at speeds of around 52mph in sub-zero temperatures rather horrible. And 'Grumpy' Art just hates high speed descending, full stop. The course to be used is dual carriageway for the first half, then uses the old road for the second half: it's this section that is rather more sporting (and scenic).

Here's hoping for a dry morning, ideally warmer than last year's -4 centigrade...

Team Grumpy build-up for first 2-up of 2011

2011-01-08T22:05:00.001Z

Both members of Team Grumpy have been busily working towards their first 2-up test of 2011 - the Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25' on 6th March.

Grumpy Bob has been pounding the turbo, and using the excellent Golden Cheetah software package to monitor progress. His general strategy is not to ride training sessions to specific power targets, but to use the HRM to determine effort, and the power meter to monitor what was actually done, and progress in fitness. Most of Grumpy Bob's real training (i.e. the really hardcore 'eyeballs-out' sessions) is done on the turbo. After the setbacks of a persistent cold during October and all that horrible snow in December, he's feeling pretty good at the moment, with a resting HR around 43bpm and a critical power estimated at about 300W. Grumpy Bob treats such wattage figures cautiously, knowing that he's really using them as performance comparators on his own training, not with other riders.

On the other hand, Team Grumpy's management, when told that progress was good and that critical power had reached 300W merely echoed Bjarne Riis' sacred dictum: "Give me 400W!". Oh well.

On the other side of the country, it sounds as though Grumpy Art Vanderlay has been making strides as well [GAV: well, it's more general conditioing work really, but I do feel surprisingly good and the odd bit of high intensity work that I've done has gone off very easily]. Notably, he's acquired a new TT bike (road testing indicates it's pretty fast), and the new position is reputed to have unleashed an additional 12W. Or something. [GAV: proof will be in the eating, of course. But there is a consistency about the extra power across a number of sessions already, so I'm hopeful. If the last two years are anything to go on, though, I need more than an extra 12 watts] It brings a new twist to the "buying speed" accusation Team Grumpy has faced over the years.

An Arty review of the 2010 season

2011-01-01T15:22:00.005Z

Not a classic season for me by any stretch of the imagination. But my form did improve towards the end and the win in the Duo Normand - has anyone mentioned that yet? - was the main objective for the year in any case. Therefore, despite everything this must be classed as a successful season.

It started pretty poorly with an illness that wiped out most of January and the first half of February. That left only a couple weeks to train before the first Team Grumpy event - the PTW 2-up TTT on 7 March. I was struggling from the beginning and my puncture with approx. 6 miles to go probably saved greater embarrassment.

Two weeks later on was the first of the Magic Dragon Series and the Welsh SPOCO Series. I wasn't exactly firing on all cylinders by this time but at least things felt a lot better. That was until I overcooked a corner on a descent and crashed over a kerb and into the verge. Lost time and lost nerve made for an interesting end to the race, which was really another write off. After that I headed east for the next Team Grumpy event - the Icknield 30 km 2-up TTT on 21 March. Regular readers of this blog will know by know that our TTTs in the UK always end in disaster. Well, at least this was not the case here. No, this one started with disaster when Grumpy Bob couldn't engage his pedals. I took the start line alone whilst Grumpy Bob dismantled his nice new speedplay cleats.

April started much better with a decent showing in round two of the Welsh SPOCO series - the Bynea 30 mile TT. Hardly a classic ride by me, but one that did much to restore some confidence. Sadly, it didn't last. A disappointing showing at the Llandovery 25 was the only other notable event in April as work mounted up and I hardly had time to ride my bike. Lack of training and racing characterised May and I had less than 100 kms per week to show for the month. But I did have new handlebars and tribars, which were nice and carbon fibrey and I was itching to use them in earnest. The chance came at the end of May in the Bynea 10 (another round of the SPOCO). But I was in for a shock when I experienced some difficulty breathing after a couple kms and my heart rate shot up in worrying fashion. It settled but it was alarming to say the least. Had I thought about it I would have realised that the new position I had adopted with these new bars had narrowed my elbows drastically and my breathing suffered through what appears to be muscle constriction. I would not put this together until after the Duo Normand and spent almost all season either suffering the same alarming sensation or worrying about it coming on. Needless to say, the 10 was a disappointment and so too was the 25 the following day. But I had expected very little from either given the state of my training beforehand. Now began the steady process of rebuilding some sort of form.

Workload remained high, so races were few and far between. I rode the Welsh 50 Champs so as to try and get some decent miles in my legs. It turned out to be a most uncomfortable event for me and I struggled round - but at least got round for what was my longest ride of the entire year. Work diminished in the middle of June and I benefitted from this in mid-July when I rode a 58 min 25 mile TT in very windy conditions on the Usk course. It's a pretty fast course but this was a good result and suggested that I wasn't to far off getting some form together again. Therefore, I experimented with some different equipment for a few weeks. The race results varied but I was learning what worked and what didn't. It was a good position to be in because I was effectively a non-contender in the various TT series that I was involved in and this was a good opportunity to try out a number of things that I had wanted to for some time. In the end most of my conclusions were that I had things about right from the start. But at least I now knew that. This period of experimentation took up most of July and August and allowed me time to work on the British TT Champs that I was organising. This event turned out to be a great success and when it was over I was able to settle down to my own goal - the Duo Normand.

Just before the British Champs I did a single event - the Pembs Velo 15. This turned out to be my best ride of the year to that point and everything began to point in the right direction. My time - 36m 23s for the undulating course - was not outstanding but it was windy and very cold and I actually felt good, which augured well. September was all about the Duo but I did ride the Welsh 25 mile Champs (56m 35s) as preparation. It wasn't a very good result but my ride was marred by a broken strap on my helmet which caused me to ride with one hand pushing my helmet back constantly to avoid it falling over my eyes. I would have been better off throwing it in a lay-by. But as it was only a preparation event it didn't matter.

Helmet strap fixed I went to the Duo with a reasonable amount of confidence. Grumpy Bob's form had been solid all season and I knew that my main job would be holding onto his pace. This is how it turned out, but I was pleased to be able to contribute to our victory in the corpos category towards the end of the event when I seemed to find my form.

Sixth place in the final table for the Welsh SPOCO series (first vet in the 50 - 54 age group) was then secured by turning up for the Cardiff Byways Triple Hill Climb and that was the end of the season.

A mixed bag of a season. But winning at the Duo was always the main objective (has anyone mentioned the Duo Normand?) . A strong season without winning the Duo would not have delivered the same level of satisfaction, so by that token it had been a successful 2010.

New Year's Day '10'

2011-01-01T14:31:00.001Z

Grumpy Bob rode his club's New Year's Day '10' and won the trophy. Not quite so impressive when you realise there were only eight riders, and Grumpy Bob may well have been the only member of his club riding...still, his second place with 24:21 was a bit faster than last year.
Grumpy Bob found riding the TT bike for the first time since the Duo Normand (has anyone mentioned the Duo Normand?) rather challenging, not least because his newly acquired belly made it uncomfortable to maintain an aero position.
Something will have to be done...

Further energy drink crisis averted

2010-12-30T07:03:00.000Z

Team Grumpy is relieved to learn that despite the sad news that the Rochefort Abbey in Belgium has been badly damaged by a fire, production of energy drink by the Trappist monks there will be unaffected.

To be accurate, at strengths of 7.5% to 11.3% ABV, the Rochefort brews are more of a recovery drink than an energy drink.

Grumpy Bob's Year in Cycling

2010-12-29T04:07:00.001Z

Grumpy Bob has reviewed his cycling activities during 2010 over at flies&bikes (My year in cycling). On the whole, a good year with performances at 10, 25 and 50 miles that topped his rides in the last five or six years.
Oh, and has anyone mentioned the Duo Normand?

Team Grumpy in Tax Shock

2010-12-02T04:31:00.000Z

Team Grumpy was shocked to read of Government proposals to increase tax on energy drinks (Tax on super strength beers and lagers set to increase | BBC News). This news story began:

Duties on super-strength beers and lagers are to rise next year, the Treasury has announced.

In horror, Grumpy Bob read on, to discover what constituted 'super-strength'...would this include Team Grumpy official energy drink Leffe? Would this mean a retreat to non-alcoholic energy drink?

Tax on beers and lager over 7.5% ABV (alcohol by volume) will increase from autumn 2011 although the exact amount will not be known until March's Budget.

Aha! So that's OK, Leffe Blond is officially 6.6% (though the 9^o, Radiuese and Tripel varieties enter high tax levels).

Onwards and upwards!

The return of Team Grumpy

2010-10-25T05:42:00.000+01:00

Grumpy Bob finally shaken off the recurrent cold that's been a bit of a burden since he returned from the USA in the first week of October. This was convenient since Team Grumpy were reunited for the weekend - 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay was visiting and a Team Grumpy bike ride had been planned for some weeks.

Of course all Grumpy Bob's assertions that we should 'take it easy' and 'don't forget I've been off the bike for four weeks' had zilch effect as Team Grumpy found itself zipping along on a beautifully clear and sunny morning (though it was rather cold at the start), particularly after joining an old club mate on the way, with the consequences that generally follow. Team Grumpy covered around 50 miles in about 3h riding time - the furthest Grumpy Bob has cycled since the trip to France in September, and the first 'proper' bike ride in the last month. Team Grumpy did stop at a cafe in Winslow, which was just as well, since by the last 10 miles, Grumpy Bob's legs were suffering. 'Grumpy' Art's claims that his legs were in a similar state were, it is suggested, merely politeness.

It was notable how 'mobile' Grumpy Bob's heart rate was: while mostly it was in upper level 1 or lower level 2, it didn't take much for it to leap up to levels normally seen during short time trials. So recovery may still be some way off. Fortunately a whole winter's training lies ahead.

Oh, and Grumpy Bob did collect a slow puncture a mile or two from getting home.

Duo Normand 2010

2010-10-08T15:01:00.006+01:00

Duo Normand 2010: Grumpy Teamwork underpins emphatic victory for Team Grumpy in its centenary year, but rule-book seriously contravened

Given that we couldn’t even agree on which helmet to wear for the Duo Normand with only a day or so before the race, it might seem surprising that Team Grumpy finally pulled off a victory in the event at its seventh attempt. It has long been the philosophy of the team that we turn out in races attired in similar if not the same kit. For the last few seasons this has meant riding in identical skinsuits, using the same wheels (Hed H3 tri-spokes front and rear) and, in 2009, even the same sunglasses. For 2010, coincidentally, we would even be using the same GPS/computer. What’s the point, you might ask. Well, frankly, it just looks good and makes us look like a team. This is far more important when you consider that the two members of Team Grumpy are separated by 230 miles and rarely actually train together. [Actually, we train together less frequently than we race together! - Grumpy Bob]

Therefore, the mild disagreement over the helmets was perhaps more significant than it might appear on the outside. Robert (Grumpy Bob) preferred his Giro Advantage, but I had recently rediscovered my liking for an old (2004) LAS Cronometro. This is the original version with a short tail. We had both bought one of these in readiness for the 2004 Duo and not only did we look the part that year in matching red skinsuits [see the header image for this blog], but we also rode extremely well. I had started wearing this again for 2010 because it was more comfortable and the integrated visor suited me. My 50 year old eyes were struggling to read my stem-mounted Garmin through sunglasses but seemed to be able to manage better when peering underneath the bottom edge of a visor. I soon discovered that it was not slowing me down at all and in fact results suggested it might actually have been better than my more up to date aero helmets. My attempts to convince Robert, however, elicited no response (a sort of silent grumpiness).

Last minute harassment by me had at least forced Robert to take his LAS along to France. The question remained, though: LAS or Giro? It was only the night before the race that Robert relented. His motives, though, hardly reflected his scientific background, declaring that: ‘if we lose, it’ll be because you made us wear that helmet’. It was the most perfect invocation of Team Grumpy rule number one:

Remember to make your excuses before the race, not after. Otherwise it will just sound pathetic.

This is Team Grumpy at its best and, by implication, at its grumpiest.

[In the end however, I agreed to the LAS helmets on the somewhat girly grounds that they matched our 2010 'uniform' (grey and black) better – Grumpy Bob]

I had breached Team Grumpy rule number two, however. This rule forbids last minute tinkering with the bike and resulted from my insistence the very evening before the 2007 Duo that I take apart my headset and re-grease it. My inability to re-assemble it brought a predictable response from Robert who rescued the situation by remaining calm whilst I resorted to tantrums (team rule number 6), but it had been a close run thing. In fact, I breached rule number two not once but twice. Two days before the race, I discovered that my gears were jumping. No amount of fiddling with the cable tension seemed top help, so I had a close look at the rear mech. It turned out to be caused by the screw loosening on the hanger. The problem, therefore, was easily resolved and all that remained was to re-index the gears. This seemed to go far too easily for my liking. Then, the day before the event – after meeting up with the rest of the team in Marigny for the signing on process – I went for a spin to check out ‘ghoul corner’. This is the sharp left hand bend at the bottom of a fast descent at Le Lorey (approx. 34 kms into the race) where crashes often occur and the ‘ghouls’ line up to watch the horror unfold. I usually do my best here to show them how not to handle a bike, but I am yet to crash here. Four attempts at cornering around the bend suggested that I could practice all day but would not improve my technique so I made my way back to Marigny only to discover a clunking noise with each revolution of the pedals. I eliminated the usual causes and concluded that the bottom bracket must have worked loose.

Back at the cottage the problem worsened when I found that it wasn’t just a matter of tightening up the central bolt securing the Ultra Torque system on my TT bike. Experience had taught me that this was a time for teamwork, so I called Robert to help. Once again, there I was the night before the Duo putting my bike back together. Fortunately, the UT system is easy to maintain and removing the cranks, re-greasing the bearings and reassembly took literally minutes – mainly thanks to Robert’s involvement.

The morning of the race was soon upon us. We were both up early: Robert with his usual insomnia and me with my barely-sleeping daughter. The bikes and kit had been packed into the cars the night before, so there was little to do except for Robert to keep asking me if I was nervous yet. Each time I replied ‘yes’, but he kept asking anyway. There was an air of expectation for the team this year: we had been put off last in our category and I for one was reading all sorts of things into this. We had also done some homework on the other pairs in the category, most of whom we had encountered before. There remained, though, about six pairs about whom we knew nothing and so we were wary of a repeat of 2008 when an unknown pair turned up on road bikes with standard wheels, wearing ordinary helmets, and looking more like cyclo-tourists than TTers. They promptly went about putting several minutes into us, breaking the course record in the process. We took nothing for granted, but this year was beginning to look like our best chance – and we knew it.

Robert’s annual panic about bike checks and UCI regulations was soon calmed when it was obvious that we would not be scrutinised by calliper-wielding techno-jobsworths. Therefore, we settled into our usual warm-up routine. The morning had dawned cold but still. As our start time approached it remained cold but the wind was picking up. The warm-up was almost as eventful as previous years. Usually Team Grumpy warm ups are spectacles in their own right with Grumpy Bob managing a last minute puncture, or maybe a clogged up pedal and cleat. For my part, I usually manage to discover that my gear indexing has gone awry, to imagine a (non-existent) puncture – or two - or to find that the local gendarmerie are paying me some attention. I was pleased that the first two did not occur, but have to admit to being disappointed that there was no repeat of 2009’s ‘gendarme-gate’. This year it was my turn again. Having put the turbos away we headed off for a spin on the roads and with blissful ignorance I rounded a roundabout in the wrong direction. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I merrily continued riding on the left hand side of the road as I laughed off Robert’s attempts to tell me what I was doing. Fortunately, I came to my senses in time and moved to the right side. On reflection, it seems plausible that I was unwittingly trying to attract the attention of the gendarmes again.

The start time was approaching and we wheeled our way to the barriered-off area where riders are lined up before setting off. We had decided not to have a following car, thus enabling the team manager to await our starting effort armed with my video camera and with all the wisdom gained from the comprehensive training course that I had conducted in the few minutes between the warm-up and setting off for the start.

Soon, we mounted the platform for the start ramp to the sound of our names being read out on the PA system. Robert was under strict instructions to hold in his belly whilst the photographer took his pictures and I was under similar instructions not to do my usual look behind after we start to see if Robert has actually made it off the start ramp without crashing. We both failed. In fact, my ‘two looks’ back would later on cause Robert to accuse me of not trusting him. But at least my two looks behind had not almost caused a pile up as it had done in some previous years.

The same could not be said of the recumbent rider who rode across our path as we crested the first short climb out of Marigny. A few words in French from the bystanders and one or two expletives from us seemed to get the message across and we headed out of the town, past the cemetery and on to the fast roads that descend through the outlying villages. All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe. This has been happening a lot this year and had caused me some concern since May. The pattern had been the same in just about every race: after about 2 kms I found that I was unable to breath easily and needed to sit up, widen my arms by holding the outside of the handlebars by the brakes and recover from the start up effort. I should have pre-warned Robert about it, but hadn’t. It must have come to him as some surprise, then, when I gasped the words: ‘I’m … struggling … to … breath’. [Actually, all I could make out was “I'm struggling ugh-mughmup-igglebargle” or something like that. It should be noted that an unwritten Team Grumpy rule is that conversation during a race is forbidden, so clearly this garbled attempt at communication was significant and yet another breach of team rules– Grumpy Bob]

Without saying a word, Robert took the front. And he stayed there. He stayed there for some while, fighting his way through a maze of following cars and other vehicles that appeared to have strayed on to the course. I stayed put, hanging on to his wheel – or not at times – as we sped through these lanes, passing several other pairs of riders. Gradually, I was starting to recover and by the time Robert pulled over for a break from making the pace I felt able to contribute once again. The breathing problem had settled down – as it always does – but I was reluctant to do too much, so pulled over after a short spell on the front to let Robert continue his impressive pace-setting. This continued for the first 20 kms with me gradually taking longer, harder pulls on the front until I felt fully recovered. During this time we had been joined by a motorcycle marshal who rode ahead of us and cleared the numerous riders and other traffic out of our way. This made quite a difference and also gave us a feeling of importance.

Thankfully, my recovery was complete by the time the road started to go uphill. I realised by this time that I had some making up to do and that Robert’s huge efforts deserved repayment. This is where the team ethic really comes into its won. Frankly, Robert had covered for me when I was flagging. I knew it and I was sure he knew it. I still had to fulfil my part of the team effort. I started to do longer pulls on the front and as I did so I actually began to feel stronger and stronger. Ghoul corner was uneventful – even if I didn’t exactly zip through it like Robert did – and we were soon descending back into Marigny. The climb up through the town has often caused us problems and we have observed other pairs breaking apart at this point – under the gaze of hundreds of spectators too. Not us. We powered up the slopes and rounded the chicane of the town square to the sounds of the church bells and, as video evidence would later show, the screams of innocent children. But we remained unaware of this apocalyptic scene as we headed out on to the final leg – a 12 km out and back leg. The climb out of Marigny was the scene where I had thrown my chain off last year as I changed down to the inner chain-ring. This time I was aware that I was able to power up this in the outer-ring. The chain catcher that I had fitted in reaction to last year’s problem would not be tested this time.

Again, we were catching and passing several pairs of riders, often having to go on the opposite side of the road to get past the following cars. Our motorcycle escort had left us after entering Marigny (probably because of the relative narrowness of this final section), but it was here that we could have used his assistance most. We appeared to be roaring along at remarkable speeds and the relative pedestrian pace of those we passed seemed to emphasise this. I felt incredible on this section and it was hard to believe that I had struggled so much earlier on. My morale was high, I could feel how strong I was and could see how much faster we were and, most important of all, I felt that I was at last making my contribution to the team.

The final turn went well and we climbed for the final time – again passing other pairs with relative ease – until the road plunged downhill once again into Marigny for the final few kms. We were unaware of our position in the race and were also unaware of the electronic clock which displayed our position at the finish. Even if we had been aware of it, we could not have glanced at it as we flashed across the finish line – the finishing straight is way too fast to contemplate such a thing. Had we been able to look at it we would have seen that we were in first place and several minutes ahead of our nearest challengers.

Grumpy Art recuperating from L'Effort Total

After a short recovery, Robert asked me if I thought we had done enough to win it. I could only reply that there were not many pairs that we had not caught and passed (remember, we were the last ones to start in our category). But the memory of 2008 remained and we could take nothing for granted – not even at this stage.

The photographs were ready quite quickly, but previous experience had taught us not to expect the results to be ready for a while. We found other things to do to take our minds off it. Then, eventually, it was too much and we simply had to look to see if there were any results available. A pile of paper in the marquee tent suggested that they were ready. I was prepared for disappointment as I glanced at the paper on the table. But there we were, at the top of the results: first place. I looked at Robert whose face was full of apprehension. I meant to say something intelligent but all that came out was ‘well done’ as I shook his hand and the smile simply grew across his face.

As celebrations go, this was not a Team Grumpy classic. The plan to have a single beer before heading back to the cottage to shower and change was muted enough. But the wait of approximately 20 minutes to be served outside the bar ensured that it was muted further still. But we had won. After seven attempts, three second places and a third, we had finally won.

The podium experience was, to be honest, an odd one. We had showered and changed before heading back into Marigny without any idea how this ritual would play out. Awkwardly, we hung about by the podium as they interviewed Roger Legeay and made a presentation to the winners of the junior category. Had we somehow missed the presentation for the earlier events, I wondered. Struggling to follow any of the French spoken through the PA system we then caught a welcome sound: ‘categorie non-licencies’. The non-licence category had started and finished before ours. We were in the right place. Then we were called up on to the podium. We had made the mistake of changing into everyday clothes and therefore did not exactly look the part without a cycling top. We were also noticeably older than the other winners on the podium. Flowers were pressed into our hands and we posed for some photographs before a very nice cut glass trophy was also handed to us. I started to relax, but it was short lived. Other category winners started to fill the podium. They were all younger. There was hope when they announced the winners of the veterans’ category. But that was dashed when it became apparent that the veteran winners were ‘young’ veterans. Worse was to come when the elite winners climbed onto the podium. They looked even younger than the juniors. Thankfully, when the podium photograph was taken we had managed to hide ourselves at the back of the group – though, as we were also the tallest we were still visible (but only just).

Despite the odd podium experience this was a great success for the team in its centenary year. What made this so pleasing was that it had been a team effort. We’ve ridden better 2-up TTs and we’ve gone faster in the Duo too, but on this day we were a team. We even wore the same helmets.

2010 Duo Normand - the podium at last!

2010-09-25T06:19:00.000+01:00

Just back from France, where Team Grumpy finally made it to the podium.
Team Grumpy entered the Corporatif category once again this year, and finished in first place with 1:24:22. More details later.

Towards the Duo Normand (and Grumpy Bob's dubious turbo training soundtrack)

2010-08-24T10:58:00.000+01:00

Grumpy Bob has blogged a preview of this year's Duo Normand two-up team time trial (2010 Duo Normand Preview) - and about a week or two ago, began thinking about ramping up the training for the event. GrumpyBob's been something of an afficionado of Pete Read's turbo training manual - The Annual Manual a.k.a. The Black Book. This presents a straightforward and progressive month by month training programme. It's safe to say this was behind Grumpy Bob's (and indeed "Grumpy" Art Vanderlay's) time trialling successes of 2000-2003. Since then, as he's written, his ability to stick to a programme of training has been compromised by the demands of the day job. Over the time GrumpyBob was following the programme, he was able to fine-tune and tweak the programme to suit his strengths and weaknesses. this was made easier by the collection of turbo training sessions that Pete Read presented in The White Book. [Apologies for the lack of web links to Pete Read, but last time Team Grumpy looked, his web presence had vanished]

So the programme Grumpy Bob has adopted fits in some turbo sessions of short hard intervals around longer low intensity road rides and some time trials (Grumpy Bob has a '50' on 5/9/10 and a '10' on 12/9/10, the two weekends before the Duo Normand itself. This morning's session was a set of 10 x 1 minute intervals at slightly higher than race pace, with 1 minute recoveries. Quite a difficult session, albeit quite brief. This, coupled with another variant, are progressive as the Duo looms on the horizon: in one case by doing more intervals, in the other by extending from 1' to 2' to 3' (and so forth) intervals. Grumpy Bob thinks these, together with the remaining time trials will be enough to peak for the Duo, ideally with a few days easy beforehand.

This morning's music accompaniment was provided by Acid Mothers Temple and the Melting Paraiso UFO. This unlikely sounding mob are a Japanese psychedelic inprovisational group, and the album in question was Absolutely Freak Out (Zap Your Mind!).

Even more unlikely than its applicability to an interval session is its cover, pictured right (click to link to Amazon). Still, it provided an amusing distraction as Grumpy Bob pounded away in the garage at 6am this morning! (The music, not the cover). It's something of a celebration that the iPod is now behaving itself, and scrobbling to last.fm.

BTTC COURSE - another two-up disaster

2010-08-10T19:02:00.004+01:00

Well, I've just returned from another ride around the course for the British TT Champs. This time I rode it as a two-up TTT with Arwel Davies. But the main purpose of this 'recce' was to video the entire course for the website. This was going pretty well until about half way around the first lap when the canera jumped out of its holder and crashed to the ground. Thinking that this would provide excellent footage in its own right, I picked it off the road and replaced it in the holder.

On we went - doing a reasonable speed too. Then, I heard a loud 'crack' and looking down could see the camera flapping about in an uncontrolled manner. I tried to tighten the holder 'on the fly' but it was obviously more serious and needed proper atention. I stopped. Unaware of what was happening, Arwel carried on at pace. I fixed the bracket - although now the camera was being held at an odd angle, which I couldn't rectify no matter what I did. I could see Arwel up ahead on the climb into Llandeilo and eventualy caught up with him in the zig-zag section of the course. He was waiting for me (well, there's no way I could actually catch him given our relative abilities).

We rode on to the end of lap one where we stopped and I switched off the camera. Closer inspection revealed that the bracket had snapped and a glimpse of the footage suggests that vibration had been a major issue from the very start of the recording, which is probably unusable as a result.

What was clear, though, is that the climb up through Llandeilo is very tough and will certainly sort out the race. For the senior men, the second ascent is going to be very hard indeed. As for the rest of the course, there are some real energy-sapping drags and this is going to be a good test for all concerned. I'm pleased with the new finish. I'll ride it again as a TT to get another 'time' for myself. I am actually quite upset that I can't ride the event myself. But I feel that it would not be the responsible thing to do.

It wasn't until driving home that it occured to me that this was yet another UK-based two-up disaster. I should have known better.

British TT Champs - the best ever TT field?

2010-08-06T09:27:00.003+01:00

With one day still to go before entries close for the British TT championships, the list of confirmed competitors reads like a hall of fame of British cycling.

If a field of greater quality than this has ever been assembled in the UK before, then I'm unaware of it. The Tour de France prologue TT in 2007 (in London) might make a claim to that accolade, but given that this was an all male affair with no women's event I still think we can edge it. In fact, the depth of genuine quality in our women's race shows just how far women have come in the sport in Britain.

I'm sure it's going to be a great day. The climb through the town of Llandeilo will catch a few out I suspect. It doesn't look much but it really does require a carefully measured effort. This is where the race will be won or lost and will also provide a real spectacle for those of us who don't have to ride.

I have a crate of Leffe ready for the post-race 'relax'.

Hell no, we won't wait

2010-07-21T07:06:00.002+01:00

The recent "Chaingate" events during stage 15 of the Tour de France, has focussed Team Grumpy's collective consciousness on the thorny question of what to do in the event of mechanical mishap during two-up events.

Past precedent would suggest that the prevailing opinion on the TG team bus can be summarised as "Hell no, we won't wait". There have been occasions when TG performances have been marred. For example "Grumpy" Art's cassette collapse while descending the Neath bank some year's ago (a clear consequence of violating TG rule #2) - Grumpy Bob just kept on going, and this year's Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25', when "Grumpy" Art punctured - at least Grumpy Bob paused to see what was happening. Similarly, the last two TG outings at the Icknield sporting TT have essentially been solo rides due to pre-start malfunctions.

What, you might ask would be the consequence of problems during the Duo Normand? There have been issues, ranging from the cramp episode in TG's first ride in the event to "Grumpy" Art's chainset loosening, and in both cases TG continued as a team. But what about a puncture?

Now that a following car appears compulsory, TG would probably try and effect a rapid wheel change, whereas in the past Grumpy Bob suspects it would just be a case of "Adios"! For what it's worth, it's a race, not a club run!

Duo Normand open for entries

2010-07-02T14:34:00.000+01:00

The Duo Normand website, which mysteriously briefly disappeared a few days ago, is now open for entries for the 2010 edition of the race. This year's event is on 19th September.
Team Grumpy's entry has apparently been made. Team Grumpy's accommodation has already been booked. Grumpy Bob's BC licence has been renewed. Ferry crossing will be booked this weekend. All set!
All Team Grumpy needs now is good form on the day. And Leffe.

Physiology, training and the ageing cyclist

2010-06-29T13:39:00.001+01:00

Pez Cycling has a brief article (Toolbox: What Does Every Masters Athlete Have in Common?) which touches upon the physical decline that faces the ageing athlete, and what to do about it. For one in his second half century, Grumpy Bob finds there's always something a little depressing about such articles, but at least there is advice, most interestingly on the subject of recovery from training:

To me, the key is fitting workouts together like a puzzle. For example, perhaps one day the focus of the workout is strength type efforts, where the cardiovascular system is not overly stressed, but the essential component of strength is benefited. The next day, a focus can be more aerobic. In other words, you are working on different “systems” on different days.
One addition item. In a recent study, 75% of athlete’s polled (not sure of the amount in the study, but it was large) said they applied some type of recovery program to their training, like recovery drinks, massage, etc. I still think the biggest and most important, regardless of all the other things you try is sleep.

Anyway, Grumpy Bob's encouraged by his performances this season - routinely hitting levels he's not seen since 2004. A testament to more structured and analytical training? Or just luck?

2010 British Time Trial Championship

2010-06-21T12:49:00.001+01:00

One half of Team Grumpy is organising this year's British Time Trialling Championship over in South Wales. Of course this means the more web-savvy half of Team Grumpy has rashly volunteered with the website stuff. Grumpy Bob leaves it to the reader to figure out who that is!

In any event, you can find out more about the course and how to enter at the Team Grumpy website. To keep an eye on news relating to the event, and the web pages, you can follow the BTTC2010 Twitter feed. An RSS feed will be set up shortly.

There are direct links to entry forms in PDF and MS Word formats. Please note the entry fee is £15, and riders need to ensure they use the correct forms, and not the standard CTT entry form.

Golden Cheetah power training analysis software

2010-06-19T21:01:00.000+01:00

Since revising his training programme and reviewing his work-life balance in late 2009 (and as described in the this blog), Grumpy Bob has coupled his use of the Polar CS600X HRM/Power computer with the very excellent Golden Cheetah software package. The attraction of Golden Cheetah as far as Grumpy Bob's concerned is that it's (a) open source; (b) has an active group developers (which means relatively frequent updates), and (c) it's available for MacOSX, Windows and most importantly from Grumpy Bob's perspective, Linux. Screenshots are available here (though perhaps not from the most recent build).

In a recent message through the Golden Cheetah mailing list, Grumpy Bob became aware of two new websites related to Golden Cheetah.

Firstly, one of the (and possibly the lead) developer Mark Liversedge has a GC related blog, 40 Goals. Posts there very often reveal new and/or upcoming developments and features for Golden Cheetah.

Secondly, Golden Cheetah - Windows/Linux Development Builds provides pre-built executables for Windows and Linux (32 bit). These are based on recent snapshots - Grumpy Bob's pleased to see some of the newer features there.

Half of Team Grumpy go ceramic

2010-05-24T19:04:00.003+01:00

I've just installed ceramic bearings in my H3s. This is done not so much with an eye on the claimed lower rolling resistance, but in the hope that I will no longer need to de-rust the rear H3 everytime I go out in the rain with it. Previously, I've changed the seals and also tried a new rear spindle, but somehow water does creep in.

Anyway, ceramic might provide a solution to that particular problem, but whilst ordering the bearings for the rear it seemed a good idea to do the front as well - so I did. I also went with top quality grade 5 bearings. It'll be interesting, then, to see if they make any difference. But how will I be able to tell?

Team Grumpy accused of systematic Leffe abuse

2010-05-21T21:12:00.001+01:00

Team Grumpy received a long and detailed email denouncing Team Grumpy as organising "institutionalised energy drink abuse". The long, rambling and frankly incoherent email specifically named 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay as the team member who actively promoted the consumption of what became the official team energy drink, Leffe. Over several seasons which many would characterise as "under-achieving", consumption of Leffe has long been suspected as the agent responsible for poor performance, inadequate technical preparation, and general loss of enthusiasm. One might take as examples both Team Grumpy outings in the 2010 season.

Bizarrely, low consumption has also been blamed for Team Grumpy's disastrous first appearance at the Duo Normand, due to early onset of cramp.

It is thought that the email originated from one member of Team Grumpy in particular. Wild accusations of excessive Leffe consumption by other cyclists not associated with Team Grumpy are thought to be exaggeration and an example of mental disorder. Specific occasions of "Leffathons" are particularly mentioned.

Finally, considering the accusation of institutional Leffe abuse, it is astonishing that the team management escape accusation entirely.

At Last ...

2010-05-20T10:43:00.002+01:00

... I am free of the pressure of work and can start to re-enter the land of the living. I begin training again today and will race for the first time for almost two months on 29 May.

Phew!

Icknield '32k' - Team Grumpy maintains 100% record

2010-03-28T19:00:00.006+01:00

Team Grumpy regrouped this weekend for the 2-up 32km sporting course time trial organised each year by the Icknield Road Club. This was the day after Grumpy Bob's club time trial round the Astwood sporting course, after which he suffered a rear tub puncture about 2 miles from home during his ride back home - which necessitated a trudge home along the verge since he couldn't get the tub off the disk wheel. Once home, he cleaned up the bike and shoes. Note this latter point as it becomes important later...

Later in the evening, Team Grumpy indulged with the now traditional Leffe and a visit to the local Thai restaurant (of course with added beers). By sheer stupidity on Grumpy Bob's part, Team Grumpy also consumed a quantity of Norman cider.

As a direct consequence the team was feeling rather jaded (the cynical might even suggest hungover might be a better description) on the morning of the race. 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay suggested it was as well that the start timekeeper wasn't equipped with a breathalyser.

Team Grumpy had hopes of completing the event this year in contrast to 2009's event, where the two riders rode separately after 'Grumpy' Art suffered a series of "punctures" which delayed his arrival at the start line.

Once at the Pitstone village hall race HQ, TG quickly got their numbers and set the bikes up with enough time to ride over to the start and warm up. Unfortunately a severe problem arose. Grumpy Bob's shoes just would not clip onto his pedals. (Remember the walking in the verge bit above?) The problem seemed to be that Speedplay pedals have the clip in the shoeplate, and this seems to be sensitive to mud.

'Grumpy' Art produced a collection of screwdrivers and a Swiss army penknife, and despite enterprising use of the bizarre tool that such knives always have that is supposed to be for getting stones out of hooves (or something like that), the clips could not be made to work. Faced with this, TG had no option but to send 'Grumpy' Art off to ride the event solo.

So once again, the Icknield event was a bit of a disaster for TG. 'Grumpy' Art rode round in about 50 minutes (though no time was recorded on the result board, merely 'DNF'), dodging the numerous potholes that have opened up this winter.

And so Team grumpy maintain their 100% record of DNF in 2010 2-up time trials.

As a postscript, Grumpy Bob did eventually restore his shoeplates to a functional state, but not in time to get a ride. But there's a lesson there.

Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25': The Grumpy Art of puncture repair

2010-03-08T19:48:00.002Z

Grumpy Bob has just returned from the annual trip to ride the Port Talbot Wheelers -2up '25' time trial (See the three preceding posts for an episodic preview). Team Grumpy didn't approach the event with a good deal of confidence (for reasons of fitness), and both riders definitely had butterflies in their stomach as they drove towards the event. This may or may not have had something to do with the (albeit modest) consumption of team energy drink the night before. It's also possible that eating re-heated onion bhajis the night before (which were leftovers from Friday, and which had spent 24 hours in the Team Grumpy fridge) may have had something to do with it.

The morning itself was several degrees below freezing, with a substantial frost. The TG Team manager merely spoke sternly, pointing out we had "better snap out of it", and how she wanted "400W". TG's protestations that such power was only practical for about 60 seconds fell on deaf ears.

At the race HQ, it was immediately apparent that the interior of the hall was about the same temperature as the car park, and indeed the car park was more pleasant in the sunshine. TG quickly set up the bikes, and made a quick "warmup" (if such a thing is possible in the cold). Lining up at the start, TG made our usual brisk start - out onto the dual carriageway, for a nice wind-assisted outward leg. This was pretty good, and Grumpy Bob at least felt quietly confident. Unfortunately, after the first turn TG found themselves heading back into stiff headwind. Speeds were battered down, but by the time TG reached the second turn, all four teams that had started ahead of them had been caught. Another section with a tail wind followed, this time on the undulating sporting part of the course. Then disaster struck.

Team Grumpy exit a roundabout...

GrumpyBob spied a large pothole, and indicated its presence to Grumpy Art, at that time riding right behind. Unfortunately Grumpy Art's reactions were somewhat jaded by this point and he failed to avoid it, thumping right through with a loud cry of anguish.

The ultimate manifestation of this misfortune wasn't evident for a short distance, when Grumpy Bob (still at the front) heard shouts from his team mate, who'd stopped at the roadside. A quick U-turn later, and the explanation was clear - Grumpy Art's front tyre was flat. A quick discussion, and Grumpy Bob decided to finish the course alone. But not before another team (Ogmore Valley) passed us.

To cut a long story short, Grumpy Bob did complete the course, did pass the Ogmore boys again, but by golly, his legs knew about the last few climbs before the finish.

Meanwhile Grumpy Art was giving his impression of a masterclass in puncture repair. Which those aware of TG's antics at last year's Icknield RC sporting 2-up will know doesn't actually include successfully repairing said puncture, so it was on a softening tyre that he made it back to the race HQ.

Not the most sparkling start to the Team Grumpy Centenary 2-up Season, but it's early days. Team Grumpy will regroup for the Icknield RC 2-up on 29th March, where it's to be hoped that they do better than in 2009, when they started half an hour apart following another masterclass in puncture repair. As Team Grumpy discovered, this doesn't make for a successful ride.

Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25' preview - part 3 (one week to go)

2010-02-28T18:57:00.004Z

There is only a week to go until the first open event in Team Grumpy's centenary season. And in common with many other British competitive (or would-be competitive) cyclists, Team Grumpy has not had the best of winter preparation.

A combination of dreadful weather and ill-health has left Team Grumpy in a not very fit state. Well, actually Grumpy Bob feels "fit but fat", so he's not confident about tackling the second half of the PTW '25', on the "sporting" half of the course. Part of the problem is the extent to which cycling has been relegated to the garage. As Grumpy Bob twittered the other day, he didn't take up cycling to just ride his bike in the garage.

And Grumpy Bob thinks that if the weather in south Wales next Sunday morning is as horrible as it was in Bedfordshire this morning, Team grumpy may face management rebellions. The riders are stupid enough and obstinate enough to turn out even in vile conditions.

Still, we have the annual lunchtime repast at Y Polyn after the event to look forward to...

Weather. Aaargh!

2010-02-21T20:08:00.005Z

Grumpy Bob has just checked the BBC's 5 day forecast for the coming week. He has one word for this. AAARGH!
It seems as though another lovely week of cycling mostly in the garage is likely.

Update 5.30am 22/2/10 - yep, it's snowing...

Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25' preview - part 2 (aaargh!)

2010-02-19T04:16:00.002Z

As the excitement of the opening event of Team Grumpy's season looms (the 2-up of this post's title), it would seem all is not well in the Team Grumpy camp.

Both "Grumpy" Art and Grumpy Bob seem to have been afflicted by unusual poor health over this winter, which coupled with the generally rather snowy weather has really dented their training. In a recent email, "Grumpy" Art even referred to himself as a "walrus". It is thought that this refers to a cough, rather than physique, since "Grumpy" Art has never been seen in a particularly overweight state.

The same cannot be said for Grumpy Bob, for whom gluttony appears to be the norm, and who relies on a combination of cycle commuting and turbo training to keep his weight down. Here, the snowy weather has dented the former, and a lengthy bout of a recurring cold through most of December has dented the other. He feels distinctly under the weather now, and fears he may have caught a cold that's doing the rounds at his work.

Or maybe it's just galloping hypochondria. Whatever, it would seem that Team Grumpy's season may well have a slow start in 2010.

Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25' preview

2010-02-05T17:09:00.004Z

It's that time of year, when Grumpy Bob unearths last year's entry forms and updates them to take into account his parlous performances of the previous year. 2010 is no exception, with the 2009 season not having been successful, mostly through having too much work, but also (and very sadly) as a result of the tragedy on the F1 last spring which dented Grumpy Bob's enthusiasm for racing for a while. The content of the entry form for the PTW 2-up has traditionally generated emails dripping with derision and sarcasm from "Grumpy" Art, though he has been mysteriously (and ominously) silent this year. See below for the probably explanation.

Team Grumpy bounced back for a reasonable performance at the Duo Normand, though they did get a serious drubbing from the winning BikeRadar team. As usual, Team Grumpy's season will kick off with the Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25' on the R25/24 course along the Neath Valley. This isn't the epic "Cheaty Course" on which PBs come thick and fast (and on which this event used to be run), but a neat little course at the bottom of the hill.

The course divides into two sections, with the first half heading south on the dual carriageway from the race HQ and back, turning onto a delightful back road to head south and back again. The DC section is always quite peaceful, while the second half undulates quite a bit, but runs alongside the old canal and through some small villages. Actually, this makes the second half rather more hazardous - last year saw a real Two Ronnies moment with a bloke carrying an unfeasibly long spirit level crossing the road with 2-up teams bearing down on him from both directions.

All in all it's a nice event, despite the frequent dodginess of the early season weather. The HQ, which is in a Working Men's Club, is spacious (if a little chilly), and the organising club and other riders always seem particularly chatty and friendly. Unfortunately this year, the Team Grumpy Centenary Season, we are starting out in less than ideal conditions - Grumpy Bob feels quite fit but is seriously overweight while "Grumpy" Art has likened his present condition to that of a walrus.

Still, four weeks to go, plenty of time...

The Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25' will be on the 7th March (at a very civilised start time of 10.00am), and uses the R25/24 course. Still plenty of time to enter!

Grumpy Art: Le Tour et Moi (Caption Competition)

2010-01-25T09:43:00.004Z

At a recent off-season social do, "Grumpy" Art Vanderlay had the opportunity to meet Jean-Marie Leblanc. It transpires that M. Leblanc, in addition to being a rather sharp impressionist, has a taste for ale. Apparently the club presented him with a tankard but no ale, so "Grumpy" Art took it upon himself to remedy this, with a sample of Old Speckled Hen.

Here in the Team Grumpy nerve centre it is thought that this photograph merits a caption. Team Grumpy have decided therefore to call a "Caption Competition", but one with no actual prize beyond glory. Or something.

Contribute captions via the commenting system please!

How do you know when you are getting old and fat?

2010-01-17T10:06:00.003Z

I think I have the answer following last night's farce.

I had to get up in the night to go to the loo (isn't that what happens when you get old?). When I got back into bed, the poxy bed broke with one hell of a crack.

Stupid ageing. Why can't some scientist do something about it?

Team Grumpy official energy drink: crisis looms

2010-01-15T07:03:00.001Z

Sky News are reporting that Belgium is currently gripped by a developing beer crisis, due to strike action (Blockage Of Anheuser-Busch InBev Breweries In Belgium Leads To Shortage Of Stella Beer Lager | Business | Sky News). On the face of it, this isn't of huge consequence. Except that the official team energy drink of Team Grumpy is Leffe, one of the brands owned by InBev, and, indeed, named in the news reports of this appalling crisis.

At this time of the year, when the Team Grumpy "athletes" are in full winter turbo training mode, it is to be hoped that the team management take immediate and prompt action to secure adequate energy drink supplies in the lead up to the first 2-up of the 2010 "Team Grumpy Centenary" season - specifically the Port Talbot Wheelers '25' in March.

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Icy turbo misery

2010-01-09T17:50:00.003Z

Misery on the turbo is when you go out to the garage for a spot of training on the turbo, only to find the window is glazed on the inside with a sheet of ice from the condensed sweat of yesterday's turbo session...

teamgrumpy.com

2010-01-08T05:19:00.000Z

Some months ago, Grumpy Bob coughed up for the domain teamgrumpy.com, to use as an alias for the "official" Team Grumpy website. Annoyingly, this site was pointing at a jpg image of racing cars.

About two months ago, Grumpy Bob took this up with his hosting company, who didn't offer a great deal of advice (at least at a level that Grumpy Bob could actually comprehend), and effectively passed the buck. Yesterday, fired with the success in getting a domain to point at a server in his house (e.g. this mirror of the Northwood Wheelers website), he raised the issue once more, and whoever was dealing with the support ticket on this occasion resolved the issue in a matter of hours.

Success!

Now, go and visit the Team Grumpy website!

Aaaargh!

2010-01-07T13:36:00.004Z

That's how I felt at the end of today's turbo session:

10 mins warm up
10 x 4 min @ c. 350W/L3-4 with 1 min recovery intervals
10 mins warm down

I now need to lie down for the rest of the day

Work-life balance (a.k.a. "Aaargh!")

2010-01-06T08:06:00.004Z

Regular readers of this blog (if there are such unwise creatures out there) may recall that Grumpy Bob made a serious attempt at addressing his work-life balance towards the end of 2009. This principally consisted of leaving for work somewhat later than he has done for most of his working career, and using the time freed up to indulge in turbo training, and when the day length increases, morning road rides (assuming the weather will finally have moderated by then).

Of late, even this strategy has come under pressure. Not only was Grumpy Bob prevented from effective training by a lengthy cold, the prospect of traipsing out to the garage at 6am in significantly sub-zero temperatures has not been, shall we say, received entirely enthusiastically.

Nonetheless, he has in general persisted. It is possible that the new interest in power training (Power-Based Training, part 1) has generated a revival of interest in turbo training, for which there's not been much alternative, since the council appears to be precious near with the salt (and indeed never treat any of the minor roads around here).

As a minor aside, the analysis GrumpyBob has been doing on his turbo sessions leads him to believe that his interval training (particularly the Black Book's "Progressive Power" sessions) which are based upon heart rate level are, in power terms, spot on for endurabce training. Well, that's what the current interpretation leads him to. Expect part 2 of the Power-Based Training article some time over the next few weeks.

Anyway, as is often the case, Grumpy Bob trailed out to the garage at 6am this morning for a Level 2 turbo session (here Level 2 is referring to heart rate level 2). The snow lay crisp, fairly deep, and pretty damned even. But the garage wasn't too bad, especially with a fan heater running. The big disappointment was another garage puncture after about 45 minutes. Grumpy Bob needs to keep another "Puncture Bob" scoresheet in 2010 - it certainly seems as though most of his punctures occur in the garage, either while turbo training, or deflations resulting from slow punctures incurred on the road.

Ho hum, business as usual.

Grumpy Bob survives the New Year '10'

2010-01-01T15:41:00.001Z

A low turn out of five riders for this year's North Bucks New Year '10', ridden on a gloriously sunny but very cold morning on the F5d/10. Reports at the NBRC and Flies&Bikes websites.

Grumpy Bob is pleased on two counts - he felt his performance was good (particularly compared with last year's 25:22), and he enjoyed giving his new TT bike a thorough testing. He likes it, though it seems more twitchy at low speed - fine while racing.

He still felt overweight and bulbous...

Grumpy Bob dips his toes in the murky water of power training

2009-12-31T05:49:00.002Z

Grumpy Bob has posted an article on power training over at teamgrumpy.org. He remains a little unconvinced over its real value (in relation to the use of HRMs) in a training programme, but is prepared to review that opinion over the coming months, as he tried to make sense of the power data he's rapidly accumulating in the run up to the 2010 season.

Aaargh! Team Grumpy laid low over the festive season

2009-12-30T06:07:00.002Z

Team unity revealed by Team Grumpy! Despite residing a considerable distance apart, it's quite touching to see Grumpy Bob and 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay in such a display of mutual support.

As previously reported, Grumpy Bob has been suffering from a long drawn out cold, from which he is just emerging (possibly just in time for the NBRC New Year's Day '10'). This wasn't particularly appalling as far as these things go, rather it displayed an interesting sequence of relapsing symptoms, all of which have kept Grumpy Bob from effective training for over three weeks. And, since this happened over the season of over-indulgence, he's ballooned to 76kg. He is once again going to look like the Michelin Man at the start line on Friday.

Not to be outdone, 'Grumpy' Art (and indeed his whole family) contrived to be struck down with a serious gastointestinal disorder over Xmas. In the case of Art, this has led to a compensatory weight loss.

It's a cosmic balance thing, we reckon.

Leffe by the peleton

2009-12-23T16:56:00.004Z

The February 2010 (!) issue of ProCycling plopped onto GrumpyBob's doormat today. In a packed issue describing all sorts of nefarious activities within the pro peleton, Team Grumpy finds a brief snippet (page 87) on alcohol consumption during the season.

Of particular note is Peter van Petegem's fondness for Leffe, the Team Grumpy official energy drink. "Five Leffe's isn't enough for me!" declares our Peter, "I start to feel good after fifteen".

We at Team Grumpy quite understand, but hope he is referring to the small bottles rather than the large...

Still ill

2009-12-20T06:30:00.000Z

Grumpy Bob's relapsing cold just keeps giving. He decided to miss the club mince pie evening due to coughing and spluttering (and a generally public spirited notion that he should avoid infecting his clubmates). Which was a shame, since he rather likes mince pies.

On the training front, he's not done any training since last Saturday's turbo session. In fact he's only done about 6 miles this week, as he's not been sleeping and has a rough old cough. Last Saturday's turbo session was a pretty good progressive power interval session, and was fitted in to a day or so in which he felt pretty well recovered after the first few days of what appeared to be a minor cold.

In the meantime, Grumpy Bob has been investigating methods of analysing power meter output*. His regular training diary doesn't seem to offer much in the power analysis stakes (though perhaps he's just missing something). Unfortunately most sports training software seems to be aimed at the Windows market, with some programmes available for the Mac. Grumpy Bob is a Linux user, and did find an app called Golden Cheetah, which is available for Windows, MacOS and Linux. It was a trivial installation, though it doesn't seem straightforward to download Polar data directly - Grumpy Bob finds he has to use a Windows app to download data files.

That being said, Golden Cheetah does seem to be able to generate considerable power analysis of power training sessions**, and perhaps will enable Grumpy Bob to train more effectively. Once his damned cold gets better.

* Grumpy Bob remains a little unconvinced by the value of power training other than as a reporting tool.
** Oh, and he bought a copy of Allen & Coggan's Training and Racing with a Power Meter, to try and assemble a picture of what all these data really mean.

Aaargh!

2009-12-15T04:11:00.000Z

Grumpy Bob feels he has to maintain the new TG tradition (if that is not a contradiction) of post titling (Aaargh!). Since he previously reported picking up a cold, things have just got worse. He did stage a recovery over the weekend - long enough to take on a Progressive Power turbo session on Saturday - but by Sunday the sore throat, cough and generally mucoid situation had returned. Accordingly, he's packed in training for the next few days.

Not the best news in the run up to the first outing for the new bike at the New Year's Day '10'...on the bright side, Saturday's turbo session went well, consisting of 11 x 4' intervals. Grumpy Bob wishes to point out that generally, he tries to "peak", albeit briefly, for the NYD '10', and this intensity in not maintained all the way through to the usual start of his season at the Port Talbot Wheelers 2-up '25'.

Team Leffe Grump-a-thon

2009-12-09T17:42:00.002Z

Well, TG didn't consume the vast quantity of Leffe that they might have done in their youth, but still enough to bring on hangovers on Sunday.

A brief return to the training programme for Grumpy Bob unfortunately careered into disaster after he contracted a cold. (See TG Rule #5)

Aaargh!

2009-12-07T14:44:00.004Z

I thought it's about time we had an Aaaargh! thread, so the best I can come up with is this:

I got back on the bike proper today. This is the first actual biking session I have done since September. Anyway, I decided to do an hour on the turbo at 300 watts - steady. This would normally be a solid ride but not 'eyeballs out' - a sort of level two ride. Well, not today. It started fine: nice and easy, 100 rpm, Level 1 etc. Then it started to get uncomfortable at about 10 mins and I was definately in level 2 by this point and struggling with the cadence. So I clicked it up a sprocket and opted for 94 rpm - still solidly at 300 watts. By 30 mins I was hanging on, still at 94 rpm, but in and out of the saddle and heart rate climbing into level 3 at times.

Obviously, I had picked too high an intensity for my first session after such a long break. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who do not give up easily, so I stuck at it. The last 25 mins were all in level 3 - often near to level 4 - as I maintained the 300 watts output. I was squirming all over the saddle and by the end of the session felt empty.

Still, I dropped two kilos in weight from start to finish, despite drinking 750 ml of PSP. I guess most of this will be fluid loss and will, therefore, go back on pretty quickly. But at least I'm back on the bike. Tomorrow will be a light spin for 40 mins and some weights.

Team Grumpy Leffe-a-thon

2009-12-03T17:44:00.002Z

From time to time, Team Grumpy meet up - sometimes to race, but more often than not to enforce TG rule #7. Which of course involves conspicuous consumption of TG's favourite energy drink, ideally partaking of its many varieties (Blonde, Brune, 9, Tripel, Radieuse, Ruby).

This weekend is one of those occasions, where a particular anniversary (for Grumpy Bob) coincides with a professional visit to Milton Keynes (for "Grumpy" Art). We intend to supplement our rigorous training programme with a genuine Leffe-a-thon. At least Grumpy Bob has more than three weeks to recuperate before the New Year's Day '10'.

Team Culture

2009-11-23T09:32:00.003Z

Having read the article of the new Team Sky, it seems to me that what we are missing in Team Grumpy is a team philosophy. But rather than the 'if you don't like it get off the ship' approach of Team Sky, I see ours as being something less imposed and more evolved organically - in other words a culture (oops, there's that word again).

Obviously, we have our team rules - a sort of 'six-fold path' to mediocrity - but there is a glaring omission from these because no mention is made of our heavy use of pop belge. This, I would suggest, is the focal point of the team culture and something around which we can build the team (where have I heard that expression before?).

Another "garage puncture"

2009-11-23T06:03:00.002Z

Grumpy Bob just had an abortive turbo session. Regular readers (if there are such beasts out there) may remember a discussion of Grumpy Bob's work-life balance, which ended with the decision to focus training in the morning, prior to leaving for work. In keeping with this strategy, Grumpy Bob ventured out to the garage this morning to do an early morning interval session.

All was going nicely - good warm up to the appropriate HR, the first interval completed, into the second, when the dreaded flopping noise of a punctured rear tyre could be heard (and, what's more, felt since Grumpy Bob was listening to his iPod at the time). A quick repair was effected, but to no avail - the replacement tube had an unrepaired puncture.

At this point Grumpy Bob retired for breakfast and to repair the original tube. It's probably high time he set out to buy some new inner tubes.

ScribeFire - Firefox add-on for blogging

2009-11-22T13:52:00.003Z

Grumpy Bob has been rootling about seeking to simplify his blogging procedures. He's tried a nice-looking add-on called Deepest Sender, but finds it won't post to the Team Grumpy blog. The error message it throws isn't too helpful. Instead, he's pinning his hopes on ScribeFire, which seems to be pretty effective.

Team Grumpy Management Style

2009-11-22T06:59:00.002Z

Grumpy Bob noticed this story - Team Sky Reveals Recruiting, Management Methods over at cyclingnews.com. In it Dave Brailsford reveals the secrets behind the recruitment and management policies that are hoped to drive Team Sky forward through the coming seasons.

Oh, how different from Team Grumpy! No resume for our Team Manager-cum- Support Car driver: rather Mrs Grumpy was there, had car, no-brainer. No resumes for the two star riders (it's our team). No worries about communication (actually TG email quite a lot, even though the TG blog is quiet off-season).

On a more serious note, Grumpy Bob thinks it would have been wise for Team Sky to avoid trumpeting a successful management style before success!

Not the best winter training diet...

2009-11-09T17:01:00.005Z

Grumpy Bob has found his winter training schedule has been back on track...until Sunday, when he left for a week-long work trip to the USA. This morning (Monday), he decided that if he was to pay $20 for breakfast, he'd eat a lot. Consquently he's in danger of acquiring a new soubriquet (Fatty Bob?), as he chomped his way through granola and fruit, scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, sausages and bacon, followed with a banana muffin. Grumpy Bob has also decided he's not keen on cream with his coffee.

He regrets this now, two hours later. But he'll go and explore Sarasota, Florida this afternoon, though the dietary onslaught looks set to continue: we have a dinner appointment this evening.

We should have gone quicker at the Duo...

2009-10-28T16:30:00.009Z

While in France for the Duo, Team Grumpy were browsing round the Duo Normand website for an indication of how following cars were controlled. They didn't find out, but we did come across this marvellous page, resplendent in quasi-Franglais (click on the image for a full-size version):

Now, Team Grumpy are avid consumers of the infamous Pop Belge, the blonde from Belgium, Leffe. This has the expected consequences on the Grumpy dietary systems, rendering Team Grumpy possibly the FARTEST team in the event.

Oh well, perhaps next year...

It's all gone a bit base over apex already...

2009-10-23T19:18:00.003+01:00

...well, at least for Grumpy Bob, who's start to the winter's training has already faltered in the face of a mysterious cold. Though it was widely ascribed by Mrs Grumpy to galloping hypochondria, Grumpy Bob is convinced his seven day headache was a bona fide cold. In any event, pedalling away on a turbo was pretty much out of the question...

Silent Movie - Duo Normand video

2009-10-17T13:44:00.003+01:00

The epic movie generated by the Team Grumpy Film Studio is available over at Flies&Bikes. Refer to that page for browser compatibility (tested with Firefox/Linux, Firefox/XP and IE8/XP), and be warned - it's not riveting viewing!

Training begins

2009-10-12T14:32:00.002+01:00

Coaches reckon it's a waste of time, but I have discovered over the years that good seasons follow a winter of weight-training and poor ones (such as the last two) follow years when, for whatever reason, I have not done any weights. The biggest difference seems to be in climbing hils and I am aware that my climbing has been awful for the last two years.

I'm not talking body building or even strength training here. I do fast repetitions of squats using light weights with a straight back. This last point is essential as I have a history of back problems and one mistake and it's not just the end of the weights but also much of the early season for me. It has been back problems that have prevented me from doing any weights for the last two years - though, in each case this was not caused by weight-training, but by, well, having a dodgy back.

Anyway, I am now quite good at organising the set up to avoid problems and the bar is kept on a high pedestal, so that I do not have to bend at all. I merely stand underneath and raise my shoulders up to the bar and off I go. Similarly, at the end of the session I can lower the bar on to the pedestal by bending my knees. It all makes sense really.

At this time of year, a typical 'starting out' session will entail two sets of 100 squats (with a short interval in between sets) with just 30kg of weights. The reps are eventualy done at pedalling speed, so approz. 92 per minute. But initially this will be too hard, so I settle for c. 60. It is surprsing how soon this can usualy be increased. When I can mainatain 92 reps per minute for two sets of 100 I will extend the number of reps. I do not increase the weight for two reasons: 1. I don't want to build bulk, and, 2. increased weight increaes the risk to my fragile spine.

It's surprising just how aerobic this session is. But when - in about a month's time - I am doing sesions of 4 x 120, this can actually become anearobic. I plan to do this every day, which should be attainable given that the whole session does not take long to complete. But it is a tough proposition I can tell you.

All I have to do now is avoid any problems with my back and all being well I will return to the bike in December.

Team Grumpy suffer technophilia and go a bit hi-tech

2009-10-11T07:31:00.003+01:00

Grumpy Bob's purchase of a Polar CS600X bike computer is symptomatic of a malaise afflicting Team Grumpy - technophilia. This condition manifests itself as an enthusiasm for technically challenging gadgets which Team Grumpy's ageing neurons struggle to come to terms with.

In Grumpy Bob's case, he has had to finally bite the bullet and RTFM. The CS600X is sufficiently complex that it defies use without properly pondering the instructions. Setting up the Power sensor was fiddly but not complex. Setting up the GPS unit proved impossible without RTFM - Grumpy Bob will be making a second attempt at using the G3 GPS unit to record a route and to deliver speed/distance data to the main unit later this morning (watch this space).

"Grumpy" Art, on the other hand plumped for a Garmin GPS unit, but almost immediately set about the upgrade process in a spectacularly precipitate manner: by contriving a 30mph spill while traversing a roundabout. In keeping with historical records of his bike handling skills, it is noted that the manoeuvre in question did not actually involve a turn as such... Anyway, while in Normandy it became apparent the device was busted - unfortunately repair/replacement was the option, rather than upgrade.

In an effort to cure this sad bout of technophilia, Grumpy Bob is looking to upgrade the TT frame as part of his half century celebrations later this year. Watch this space for more details, but suffice it to say that this will fit Team Grumpy rule #3 quite well.

The 2010 season started this week!

2009-10-03T20:10:00.004+01:00

It may seem a bit premature, but after a bit of time off following the Duo Normand, Grumpy Bob knocked his season on the head, and at the beginning of this week he began his build up for 2010. Of course, at this stage this doesn't mean much more than preparing for the training to come, and indeed Grumpy Bob has focussed on thinking how to structure the winter training programme, for he's very aware that he has lacked structure to his training over the last 12 months or so.

And, in keeping with the spirit of the Team Grumpy rules, he's got hold of some new kit to enthuse himself: a spanking new Polar CS600X HRM bike computer...with power sensor.

This represents a bit of a change in direction for Grumpy Bob, who's always maintained that training to power has the potential to be rather dangerous. In his view, the important parameters to monitor while training reflect the physiology of the athlete, not the power produced. At the moment, Grumpy Bob plans to use power measurement to assess training progress. But he's open to suggestions, particularly of good sources of advice regarding the use of power measurement in training!

Grumpy Bob's initial review of the Polar CS600X is over at teamgrumpy.org,

Duo Normand 2009 - Could have been much worse!

2009-09-27T11:17:00.007+01:00

Team Grumpy didn't have high hopes for this year's Duo Normand. To cap fairly (in the case of "Grumpy" Art) and totally (in the case of Grumpy Bob) lacklustre seasons, "Grumpy" Art contrived a 30mph prang in a '15' only a few weeks before the Duo. Team Grumpy also noticed the appearance of a swift pairing in the Corporatif category - Coomber and Jones of BikeRadar.com - due to start 6 minutes behind Team Grumpy.

Team Grumpy indulged in some back of the envelope calculations as to when exactly the catch would happen, and estimated it around 37km. As it happened, that was indeed the case. However, Team Grumpy were a bit relieved that they recorded a respectable time (1:25:02) for second place in the category. It's unfortunate however that this was marked by an enormous margin from the BikeRadar team, who took the category record with 1:15:22.

On a brighter note, "Grumpy" Art's adventures into cinematography resulted in a 90 minute epic silent masterpiece that is at present in post-production in the Team Grumpy production studios. If a version in a sufficiently small file size can be generated, Team Grumpy plan to upload it to their main website. It has been mooted that the 2010 Team Grumpy centenery year* ride in the Duo be marked by an Abel Gance-style triple split-screen epic featuring footage from both riders and the following car...watch this space.

Here's a picture of Team Grumpy on the start ramp, resplendent in the 2009 team "uniform".
Despite "Grumpy" Art's dire prognostications, neither TG member fell off the ramp. On the other hand, no edition of the Duo Normand would be expected in which a problem did not surface (e.g. last year "Grumpy" Art's right crank decided to work loose). This year "Grumpy" Art contrived to unship his chain in the final hairpin section. Grumpy Bob thinks there's a pattern there. There's another write-up of the 2009 Duo Normand at Flies&Bikes.

*2010 is the Team Grumpy centenery because Grumpy Bob and "Grumpy" Art will both be 50 in that season.

It'll be a baggy skinsuit next...

2009-09-08T18:51:00.004+01:00

"Grumpy" Art draws attention to the rather excellent photograph of him taken by Sarah Brooke at the recent British Time Trial Championship. However, Grumpy Bob notices the drop hanging from his nose in a particularly veteran-like way, and merely wonders when he will graduate to wearing that most perfect example of veteran garments, the baggy faded skinsuit...

Team Grumpy at the British Time Trial Championship

2009-09-07T05:34:00.007+01:00

On Sunday, Team Grumpy were at the 2009 British Time Trial Championship, albeit in different capacities. Grumpy Bob was marshalling in the morning, as the event was organised by his club (along with TeamMK) - this was for the Masters category, the largest category in the field. He was stationed at the Edgecott turn, which is possibly the most dangerous point on the course, being a sharp left hander, with often rather oddly behaved traffic. "Grumpy" Art was competing in the Masters category D.

Grumpy Bob was accompanied by the unofficial Team Grumpy manager, which was good, cos three and a half hours at the turn would have been a bit dull otherwise. In the event, the experience was enlivened by a spot of nature-spotting (several large kites circling), but mostly by the arrival of the National Veteran Cycle rally, which provided an astonishing contrast to the high tech carbon machines whooshing round the corner. Since the veteran cycles were being propelled by riders in period costume, this was a great sight, and it's a shame that Grumpy Bob didn't have his camera to hand. There were several ordinaries, with riders impressively high up!

While the veteran bikes were travelling in opposite direction to the BTTC, they were a worry, especially because they tended to be wobbling all across the road, and given the speed of the approaching racers, the marshalling team were quite anxious.

Eventually, the marshalling duties were over, and "Grumpy" Art arrived to pick up the by now hungry marshalling team - back home for lunch, then Team Grumpy returned to watch the Seniors event. This was a real eyeopener. Team Grumpy picked a spot where the riders crest a short climb, quite close to the lap finish. There had been much discussion in cycling circles on the question of who would come out best - Bradley Wiggins or Michael Hutchinson. Team Grumpy's view was that there would be no contest, particularly with Wiggins coming with the form of his life. To cut a long story short, Wiggins provided a master class, beating Hutch by more than two minutes, and revealing what an isolated culture British timetrialling is.

Here's Wiggins cresting the short climb, looking smooth and fast. In the end it seems there was some controversy, with Matt Bottrill being caught by Wiggins, but sitting on his wheel for the rest of the race - this led to Bottrill being disqualified.

For Team Grumpy, the unthinking behaviour of the spectators was a bit irritating - cars were littering the normally quiet lanes of the area, causing serious congestion during the Seniors event. It was noticeable that many of the cars cruising round the course were rider-associated, judging from the bike kit in them, and really one might have expected more sense.

Anyway, congratulations to Emma Pooley (Cervelo Test Team) and Bradley Wiggins (Garmin-Slipstream) on their wins, and it'll be good to see British TT champions skinsuits in action in continental racing in the coming 12 months.

And as for "Grumpy" Art's race, perhaps he'll report on that shortly.

The future of cinematography

2009-09-01T10:48:00.002+01:00

Grumpy Bob had intended to blog about the latest threat to cinematography that will accompany Team Grumpy's 2009 outing at the Duo Normand. The events described by "Grumpy" Art in the preceding post may change all that.

Not content with insisting on a new team "uniform", "Grumpy" Art invested in a Duo-Cam (i.e. a handlebar mounted video camera), with which to record rivettingly exciting footage of a team time trial. Needless to say, this came as a bit of a shock to Grumpy Bob, who feels this may reveal him as not taking his share of the lead during the event (having had an appalling season, and lacking in fitness). Indeed, he was planning on likening it to the infamous Sleep, the Andy Warhol film which consisted solely of the main (and, he thinks, sole) protagonist sleeping for five hours.

Now, however, Grumpy Bob worries that the Duo-Cam footage might well be interesting following "Grumpy" Art's recent crash: either because Team Grumpy will negotiate the infamous Ghoul Corner in a particularly craven manner, or because we will stack it spectacularly at some point in the event.

Let's hope Team Grumpy at least makes it off the start ramp, unlike the poor chap at the Vuelta (Grumpy Bob's Nightmare)...

Aaaargh!

2009-08-31T11:47:00.003+01:00

This is fast becoming Team Grumpy's most used title, but I deploy it here with good reason.

Today I did the Pembs Velo 15 - the final round of the South Wales Sporting Course TT Series. It was lashing down with rain and a high wind swept the course. However, all was going well. In fact, all was going extremely well: I felt good, heart rate was bang on where I wanted it to be, and I was motoring. Trouble was I was feeling too good and was really going for it. This wasn't a propblem because the course is not too technically demanding.

Unfortunately, on a section on the main road (that goes to Pembroke Dock) I went into a rouindabout way too fast. It should have been no problem and I calmly gave the brakes a short squeeze to take the speed off a little. Normally, this would have been fine. But it seems I was crossing a patch of diesel at that very moment and both wheels just went from under me. I'm not sure what happened next but I ended up in the verge as my bike clattered along the road.

My visor was ripped off, my number was ripped off, my overshoes were shredded, but my bike appears to be fine. Less good is the state of the rifder who has sustained cuts and graizes to the left leg (knee in particular), a black eye, a line of bruising acroos the face and nose that bear an uncanny resemblence to the edge of a visor, a bruise on the chin, bruises above mouth (just below the nose), sore left wrist, sore left elbow and most worrying of all, a tightening feeling in the lower back that appears to be getting worse (it's now four hours since the crash).

I did get back on the bike and rode to the finish. My Garmin recorded a time of 35-42, which would have been good enough for 8th place. But I was hardly pushing it after the crash so this would probably have been a bit faster. The timekeeper recorded me finishing in 37 mins something, so I lost just under two minutes looking for visor, checking injuries, checking bike, putting chain back on after extracting it from the front mech (why do they always get snagged in there?).

Hopefully, it is all minor and will not effect preparations for the Duo (and the British Champs next weekend). I think it is all superficial dmage but I am concerened about the creeping back pain.

Bugger!

Grumpy Bob's nightmare

2009-08-30T17:42:00.002+01:00

One thing that has haunted my team-mate ever since we started riding the Duo Normand is the idea of crashing on the start ramp in full view of large numbers of spectators. I've always reassured him that this is so unlikely to happen that it can be dismissed.

However, only yesterday a professional rider managed to do just that. And if this photo is anything to go by then I had better watch out because it is likley that I'll be taken out as well. What do they call it? - ah, yes, collatoral damage.

Oh dear.

Now Grumpy Bob is really grumpy...

2009-08-28T05:24:00.004+01:00

Grumpy Bob spent a considerable time yesterday evening trying to get the North Bucks Road Club website back on its feet after one of the hosting company's MySQL servers was behaving erratically, then appeared to go belly up. They announced it was functional again, but the database behind the website seems to have gone. Fortunately, Grumpy Bob had a series of recent backups. Less fortunately, he had to figure out exactly how to use these backups to restore the site on a different MySQL server at the hosting company.

Grumpy Bob still hadn't finished this process when he ran out of energy and retired to grab a few hours kip (though he had figured out how to do it). More fortunately, shortly before 5am he had the website back on its feet.

This has been more than a little unfortunate, since the upcoming British Time Trial Championship (6th September 2009) has seen a significant increase in traffic to the website, and the whole debacle has not looked very professional.

Duo Normand 2009 - preview

2009-08-24T12:22:00.011+01:00

Team Grumpy has posted a preview of the 2009 Duo Normand over at the main Team Grumpy website. It's fair to say that neither member of Team Grumpy has excelled this year, so our performance at Team Grumpy's favourite time trial will be, how can we put it, unpredictable!

It's also very fair to point out that not only has Team Grumpy complied with Rule 4:

Rule 4: And if rule #3 fails, new skinsuits are probably a good option.

by buying new skinsuits for the event (and even new sunglasses), as what "Grumpy" Art fondly refers to as the Team Grumpy Uniform. Which Grumpy Bob finds a little alarming...

Before Team Grumpy departs these shores, Grumpy Bob has completed his last open event, the NM&H CA '25' (though one or two club events remain on his calendar), while "Grumpy" Art Vanderlay still has one or two to go, including the British Time Trial Championship on 6th September.

One never knows, perhaps at the Duo Team Grumpy will be able to pull a performance out of the bag...there is a Baldrickian "Cunning Plan", or which more later as it has more of the characteristics of a "Desperate Plan" than something that will guarantee a performance boost.

In the meantime, Team Grumpy has moved forward into the realms of Twitter, with its very own Twitter account.

British Championship gets grumpy

2009-08-21T12:18:00.004+01:00

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. The 2010 British Time Trial Championships will have a distinctly grumpy input. For more details see:

The BTTC 2010 Page at The Team Grumpy website

Aaagh!

2009-08-16T16:56:00.003+01:00

With only three events scheduled before the Duo, Grumpy Bob started the Beds Road CC '25' on the F1B/25 with a degree of optimism that he might be able to demonstrate some return of form before the big day.

Unfortunately it wasn't to be. While it was a nice enough morning (albeit with a rising wind), Grumpy Bob experienced a deflating sensation as his rear tub punctured about 8 miles from Tempsford. It says something about his season that this wasn't accompanied by considerable cursing and swearing, but with a pathetic sense of resignation.

Two more events to go...

Tula bars

2009-08-09T09:50:00.004+01:00

Grumpy Bob is aware he said in this blog that he'd not fork out for new aero bars solely to make his bike UCI-legal. However, a week or so ago he decided to change his mind, and chose some USE Tulas (below)

These are rather splendid bars, which are aero in a sort of retro Dan Dare style - check out the "pods" that are the handholds and to which the brake levers fit. The elbow cups are carbon, and a single bolt fastens both the cups and the extensions in place, with a surprising amount of adjustability. The pads are a strange gel like rubber material, held in place (but only barely) by some velcro. Grumpy Bob plumped for the straight alloy extensions.

Cabling is internal - brake cables run from the pods and exit just before the extensions; gear cables enter the extensions and emerge out of the ends for a very clean cable run. The bars are oversize, which seems to help prevent slippage in the handlebar stem.

Being a pretty careful sort of rider, Grumpy Bob was rather cautious in his first competitive outing with the bars - the brake levers are in a slightly unusual position. However he quickly got used to that. In use, the bars seemed rather nice and comfortable. Unfortunately the changed position adversely affected saddle comfort (see this report on the Finsbury Park '25'), so that needs to be addressed (probably by replacing the carbon saddle with a more conventional SLR, which at least has some padding).