Better not tell the Team Manager...

Grumpy Bob's winter training programme is going completely according to schedule.  This is good, but Grumpy Bob isn't too complacent: everything was looking good last year, until he ricked his back in an unnecessary tandem parking incident in early February.  That set the scene for a season beset by injury and illness.
In contrast, reports making it back to Team Grumpy HQ indicate that not only is 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay taking it a bit easy (having been a bit ill recently), but he's taken to hiding away in his shed with a bunch of chums down the village and drinking copious quantities of official energy drink.  Nevertheless, 'Grumpy' Art claims to be making great strides in form, relating by email that

I went out for a spin today - hardly expecting much - and demolished my best ever time on my 'test' hill. This is the one that I just managed to get under 5 mins on before heading out to the Duo. Anyway, today I did my first ever sub 4 min. ride on it (3m 57s).

This claim is regarded with some suspicion back at Team Grumpy HQ, where it has been suggested that 'Grumpy' Art was abducted briefly by aliens while out on his bike.  Meanwhile, the Team Grumpy riders are keeping schtum about 'Grumpy' Art's energy drink consumption, lest the Team Manager find out.